Cosmic beings, eclipse season is at it again. The month of August ends with a bang. The First Quarter Moon in Sagittarius on August 31st acts like our first cosmic speed bump after the Virgo New Moon on the 23rd. If you set intentions last week but played it safe or small, this lunar checkpoint may feel like a reality check. Sagittarius energy doesn’t do small, and this quarter moon urges us to expand, to envision bigger possibilities, and to take the risk of aiming higher. This week reminds us that growth often comes with tension, and it’s through working with that discomfort that we actually make our dreams tangible.

Then on September 1st, Saturn, the Planet of Responsibility, slides back into Pisces, where it will remain for six months until February 13th. Think back to March 2023, when Saturn first entered Pisces: what themes, lessons, or responsibilities came up for you then? This return suggests a “blast from the past” moment: unfinished business, recurring lessons, or deeper emotional work resurfacing for review. If you’re experiencing your Saturn Return in Pisces, this next stretch may feel like the final chapter of a long initiation — hard truths and necessary growth, but wisdom is waiting at the end. For all of us, Saturn in Pisces asks us to mature spiritually, emotionally, and creatively. The invitation is to build structure around the intangible (dreams, intuition, compassion) and to practice discipline without losing our softness.

On September 2nd, Mercury re-enters its home turf of Virgo, sharpening our mental focus and communication skills. Words will flow more easily, and systems will feel satisfying to create. But a note of caution: Virgo energy in Mercury’s domain can easily tip into nitpicking or over-perfectionism. Remember: clarity doesn’t require control. You don’t need to have every spreadsheet aligned to the pixel to be worthy of progress. Let this transit remind you that precision is a tool, not a prison.

Then comes a groundbreaking shift: Uranus retrograde in Gemini begins on September 6th, the first of its kind in over 80 years. Uranus in Gemini shakes up the way we think, speak, and connect. Expect surprises in how you use technology, communicate with others, or process new ideas. Retrogrades are reflective, so this energy invites us to examine our relationship with information, learning, and adaptability. With Uranus, the unexpected is part of the package, so lean into curiosity rather than fear.

And all week long, the build-up to the Full Moon Total Lunar Eclipse in Pisces on September 7th is palpable. Lunar eclipses heighten emotions and bring truths to the surface that may have been hidden. You may feel waves of sensitivity, intuitive downloads, or heightened psychic dreams in the days leading up. Don’t be surprised if relationships, habits, or inner truths suddenly feel undeniable. But here’s the balm: this eclipse is tied to a beautiful trine between Jupiter in Cancer and the North Node in Pisces, suggesting that what’s revealed has the potential to guide us toward healing
and expansion. Even if the revelations feel intense, they’re ultimately aligning us with a higher path. Remember: eclipse seasons are cosmic course corrections. The universe shakes things up not to scare us, but to remind us that destiny is always unfolding.

Read your horoscopes for your Sun and Rising signs for the most in-depth forecast.

Aries Sun & Rising:

Aries, the cosmos is dragging you back into your cocoon… and honestly, it’s not a punishment, it’s prep. Saturn re-enters Pisces on September 1st, bringing you six more months of lessons around rest, closure, and spiritual boundaries. When Saturn dipped into your sign earlier this year, it gave you a sneak peek of the heavy crown you’ll wear starting February 2026 when Saturn fully moves into Aries for 2+ years. That little preview was about leadership, responsibility, and accountability — you may have felt like you were suddenly “adulting” on steroids. Now, Saturn slides back into Pisces, and your homework is quieter but deeper: learn when to surrender, when to let go, and when to stop fighting battles that don’t matter. Think of this as your pre-game meditation before the next big era begins.

Then Uranus begins its retrograde in Gemini on the 6th, and for you, that’s hitting your communication zone. Translation: the way you text, talk, post, and create is about to get a remix. Uranus retrograde lasts five months, so it’s not a quick vibe shift — it’s a slow rethink. If you’ve been leaning into impulsive hot takes or speaking before you think (classic Aries move), this retrograde will force you to reconsider the why behind your words. Are you talking just to fill the silence? Tweeting just because you’re bored? Or are you really connecting? You might even experiment with silence, or switch up your digital habits completely. This is the universe handing you the mic and saying, “Use your voice like it matters.”

And all week long, you’ll feel the shadow of the Pisces lunar eclipse coming for you on the 7th. Eclipses in your spirituality and solitude zone are like cosmic interventions: the universe literally throws the blinds open on things you’ve been avoiding. Dreams, gut feelings, “random” déjà vu… expect your subconscious to be loud. Instead of running from it, listen. If you resist the quiet, it’ll feel chaotic. But if you lean in, you’ll realize the eclipse is stripping away distractions so you can get crystal-clear about your soul’s priorities. Not every battle is yours to fight, Aries. This week is about choosing peace as a form of power.

Taurus Sun & Rising:

Taurus, Saturn re-entering Pisces is asking you to take friendship seriously. From now until February, you’re learning which friends are truly your ride-or-dies, which communities feel safe, and which social networks are draining you. When Saturn dipped into Aries this past spring, it pulled you inward: solitude, retreat, hermit-mode vibes. Now that Saturn’s back in Pisces, it’s like: “Okay babe, time to rejoin the group chat, but with boundaries.” Saturn is showing you that being popular or surrounded doesn’t equal being supported. It’s quality > quantity, and it’s time to prune your garden of connections so the real ones can thrive.

Meanwhile, Uranus is retrograding in Gemini for five months, and that’s lighting up your self-esteem and money zone. Uranus in Gemini has already been shaking up how you make, spend, and value your resources; maybe you’ve been trying side hustles, exploring new income streams, or questioning your relationship with abundance. Now the retrograde slows it down. Think of this as a financial vibe check: are you innovating in ways that actually stick, or just chasing shiny objects? You may suddenly realize you’ve been underestimating your worth, or you may catch yourself in patterns of overspending or hoarding. Either way, this retrograde is like the finance friend who tells you straight-up: “Yes, splurge on that treat, but also, get your budget together.”

And the eclipse? Whew. Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse is hitting your friendship and tech zone hard. Expect drama in your group chats, surprise reveals from people you thought you knew, or maybe a connection you didn’t realize had romantic potential. Pisces energy blurs the line between platonic and more-than-friends, so don’t be shocked if someone confesses, or if you suddenly see a “friend” differently. On the flip side, a long-time friendship might dissolve… eclipses end things quickly when they’re no longer aligned. Take it as the universe doing the pruning for you. This eclipse is forcing you to see the truth about who’s in your corner and who’s just taking up space.

Gemini Sun & Rising:

Gemini, Saturn’s return to Pisces is putting the spotlight on your career. For the next six months, you’re being tested on how much responsibility you’re really ready to hold in your professional life. Back in spring when Saturn dipped into Aries, it gave you a preview of leadership in community spaces and collective movements. That was your social “test run.” Now, Saturn’s final lap in Pisces is like your boss showing up unannounced to ask, “So, do you really want this promotion, or just the title?” This is your time to refine your goals and cut the fluff. Saturn in Pisces doesn’t let you fake it ‘til you make it. Either you’re building something real, or you’re not.

Now let’s talk Uranus retrograde in Gemini — which is literally all about you. Uranus in your sign has been shaking up your identity, your vibe, your appearance, and even your long-term goals. People have probably been like, “Wow, you’ve changed,” and you’re like, “Duh, I’m supposed to.” But this five-month retrograde is less about shocking reinvention and more about asking: “Okay, but are these changes sustainable?” You’re not just here to reinvent yourself every six months because you got bored. You’re here to find transformations that actually stick. It’s a vibe-check from the universe to slow down the rebrand and make sure it’s rooted in authenticity, not just novelty.

And then we have Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse in your career sector, turning your professional world inside out. This is one of those moments where something suddenly becomes undeniable: maybe you’re ready to quit, pivot, or take on a bigger role. Maybe someone leaves your workplace unexpectedly, creating an opening for you. Eclipses end things abruptly, but they also reveal paths you couldn’t see before. Don’t cling to what’s slipping away. Instead, ask yourself: “What if this is actually clearing space for the career I’ve always wanted?” Because, honestly, it probably is.

Cancer Sun & Rising:

Cancer, Saturn re-entering Pisces is re-opening your classroom for the next six months — but this isn’t about academics, it’s about expansion. Pisces energy rules travel, higher education, and philosophy for you, so the universe is asking: where have you been playing it safe? Back in spring, Saturn in Aries put your career under the microscope, forcing you to level up professionally. Now Saturn is saying, “Cool, but what about your horizons?” Maybe you’ve been dreaming of going back to school, starting a business, or booking that international trip. Saturn isn’t about pipe dreams — it wants you to create a plan, even if it’s slow, methodical, and unglamorous. This six- month window is about building the foundation for the big leap.

Meanwhile, Uranus retrograde in Gemini is messing with your subconscious in a good way. Uranus has been stirring up your dream life and spiritual downloads for a while now, but the retrograde turns the volume up. Expect vivid dreams, weird déjà vu, and sudden flashes of insight about things you’ve ignored. The retrograde lasts five months, so you’ll have plenty of time to notice patterns. Ask yourself: are these just “random thoughts,” or is your intuition giving you receipts? Cancer, you’re already psychic… this transit is like psychic training bootcamp. Pay attention.

And then the Pisces lunar eclipse hits the same zone as Saturn, so brace yourself for an emotional plot twist. Eclipse energy here can feel like a calling: suddenly, you’re like, “I need to expand, I can’t stay small anymore.” Or, it can look like a shake-up with education, travel, or spiritual beliefs. Maybe you decide to withdraw from a program, or maybe you get unexpected funding to pursue a dream. Eclipses are unpredictable, but one thing’s for sure: they push you toward growth whether you feel “ready” or not. Cancer, this is your sign: expansion is no longer optional.

Leo Sun & Rising:

Leo, Saturn re-entering Pisces is making you look dead in the eye and say: “How do you handle intimacy, power, and shared resources?” I know… it sounds dramatic. But this six-month stretch is your final exam in learning how to share your energy, your money, and your heart without losing yourself. Back in spring, Saturn in Aries had you experimenting with travel, education, and big-picture dreams. That was the inspiration phase. Now Saturn’s like, “Okay, but can you actually commit when it’s real, messy, and vulnerable?” This isn’t about perfection; it’s about honesty. Who are you when things get deep? Who are you when you can’t just shine and keep it surface? Saturn is here to help you stop ghosting your own depth.

Meanwhile, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini is adding a shake-up to your friendship zone. Uranus here has already been pulling you toward unexpected connections, maybe even odd friendships that don’t “make sense” on paper but light you up in real life. Now, during its five-month retrograde, you’ll be reevaluating your crew. Are your friendships mutual, or are you always giving more? Have you been chasing “cool” people just for clout? Or are you finding the ones who really see you? Uranus in retrograde makes you realize you don’t have to network for the aesthetic… you can just connect with people who actually get you.

And then there’s the eclipse this Sunday. Pisces lunar eclipse energy will feel intense in your intimacy zone. Expect revelations about money, debts, or emotional ties. Someone may suddenly reveal how they really feel, or you may realize you’ve been holding onto baggage that’s weighing you down. The eclipse wants you to purge what’s toxic and make space for something more aligned. This is vulnerable work, Leo, but you’re brave enough for it. After all, you already know your worth. Now it’s about only sharing yourself with people who recognize it too.

Virgo Sun & Rising:

Virgo, Saturn re-entering your opposite sign of Pisces this Monday is all about your relationships. Yep, cue the dramatic music. This final six-month stretch is like a relationship masterclass, and you’re both the student and the teacher. When Saturn was in Aries earlier this year, it focused on intimacy and shared resources — basically asking: “How do you merge?” Now, Saturn back in Pisces flips the script to partnerships themselves. Romantic, professional, platonic — they’re all under review. Saturn asks: Are you choosing relationships that truly support you, or are you settling because it feels safe? This is your final review before Saturn moves on, and you’ll come out knowing exactly what you need in a partner (and what you won’t tolerate again).

Meanwhile, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini is shaking things up in your career zone. Uranus has already been throwing curveballs your way professionally, maybe leading you to switch paths, experiment with new industries, or adopt more unconventional approaches. Now with the retrograde, you’re reevaluating your direction. Do these changes actually reflect who you are, or have you just been reacting to chaos? You’ll have five months to slow down and figure it out. And Virgo, here’s the key: you don’t need a flawless plan. You just need to know you’re moving in a direction that excites you.

And then comes Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse in your partnership zone — the same zone Saturn’s been schooling you in. Expect sudden shifts in relationships: new commitments, surprising breakups, or redefined dynamics. Someone may step up in a way that shocks you, or someone may fade out just as quickly. Eclipses bring truth to the surface, so don’t cling to illusions. This one is asking you to trust that what’s revealed is for your highest good. If you’ve been ignoring red flags, the eclipse will make them undeniable. If you’ve been waiting for a green light, it might just arrive. Either way, Virgo, your relationships are entering a new chapter… one that’s more aligned with your growth.

Libra Sun & Rising:

Libra, Saturn’s re-entry into Pisces is asking you to get real about your daily routines. This six-month stretch is like a cosmic audit: are you actually tending to your health and productivity, or are you letting procrastination run the show? Earlier this year, when Saturn was in Aries, you got a taste of responsibility in your partnerships, and that was all about balance. Now Saturn’s back in Pisces, and it’s saying, “Okay, but can you balance yourself first?” This isn’t about being perfect; it’s about creating sustainable habits that let you thrive without burning out.

Uranus retrograde in Gemini (first in 84 years!) is stirring things up in your zone of exploration and expansion. Over the past year, you’ve probably flirted with big ideas — studying, traveling, switching philosophies. Now the five-month retrograde wants you to slow down and ask: are these dreams grounded, or are you chasing novelty? Uranus retro here is like the teacher who pushes you to stop skimming the book and actually read it. Let yourself go deep into one thing, even if your airy Libra brain craves variety. That focus will be your superpower.

And then, the Pisces lunar eclipse hits your health and wellness zone. If you’ve been ignoring your body, this eclipse is about to deliver a wake-up call. Maybe a small health issue grabs your attention, or maybe you realize your schedule is unsustainable. Don’t panic… eclipses aren’t here to punish. They’re here to realign. This one is saying: take care of yourself like you take care of others, or you won’t have energy left to give.

Scorpio Sun & Rising:

Scorpio, Saturn re-entering Pisces is putting your creativity, joy, and inner child on trial. The past few months, when Saturn was in Aries, you got a preview of discipline in your daily life: you were focused on structure, work, responsibilities. Now Saturn back in Pisces is like, “Cool, but what about fun? Do you even remember how to play?” For the next six months, you’re being asked to take your joy seriously. If your inner child feels ignored, Saturn is about to call you out. Romance, art, even baby plans (literal or creative babies) — all these themes are under Saturn retrograde’s microscope.

Then on the 6th, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini lights up your intimacy zone. This five- month retrograde is about rethinking how you merge with others, emotionally, financially, and sexually. Uranus in Gemini has already been shaking up your partnerships ever since 7/7, maybe even throwing curveballs around who you trust with your money, body, or heart. Retrograde slows it down and makes you review: are you rebelling just for the thrill, or are you really building freedom through honesty? Expect some spicy truths to surface.

Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse lands in the same place Saturn’s sitting: your creativity zone. Translation? A major plot twist in love, art, or passion projects. Maybe a romance accelerates or ends suddenly. Maybe you drop an old creative dream and find a new one. Eclipses reveal what’s real. You can’t force what’s expired to stay, and you can’t ignore a spark that refuses to die. Let yourself be surprised, Scorpio. The universe is shaking up your joy for a reason.

Sagittarius Sun & Rising:

Sag, Saturn’s re-entry into Pisces is putting the focus on your home life. This is about responsibilities around family, housing, and your emotional foundation. When Saturn was in Aries earlier this year, you got a taste of discipline in the fun, romance, and passion zone: it was lighter, even if sobering. Now Saturn is back in Pisces, and it’s heavier — are you avoiding responsibilities in your home or family sphere? Do you need to step up as a caretaker, or restructure your living situation? The universe wants you grounded, even if you’d rather run.

Meanwhile, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini is lighting up your relationship zone this week. Uranus has already been throwing curveballs in your partnerships ever since 7/7: you may have experienced sudden meet-cutes, unexpected breakups, and radical dynamics. Now, the five-month retrograde makes you pause and reflect. Are these relationship changes intentional, or are you running on chaos energy? This is your cosmic check-in: healthy unpredictability is exciting, and instability for its own sake just drains you.

And with Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse hitting your home and family zone, emotional revelations are guaranteed. A secret may come out within the family, or you may suddenly realize you need a move, a renovation, or a reset in your roots. Lunar eclipses don’t ask politely; they shake the foundation. But here’s the thing: anything that falls away now was never secure to begin with. This is your chance to build something more authentic.

Capricorn Sun & Rising:

Capricorn, your planetary ruler Saturn’s back in Pisces this week, and it’s pulling focus on your voice. This six-month stretch is about communication: how you speak, what you share, and whether your words match your truth. Back in spring, Saturn dipped into Aries and gave you a taste of responsibility in your home and family sector, and that was about getting to your roots. Now Saturn’s like: “Cool, but what about the way you tell your story?” The challenge is clear: stop downplaying your voice, and learn to wield it responsibly.

Meanwhile, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini shakes up your daily life. Work, routines, even your health habits are all under review. Uranus has already been demanding freedom in your day-to-day, pushing you to ditch boring structures. But this five-month retrograde asks: are these changes sustainable, or just reactive? Maybe you’ve been switching jobs, hobbies, or diets like outfits. Now it’s time to find a rhythm that keeps you both excited and grounded.

And finally, Sunday’s epic Pisces lunar eclipse amplifies Saturn’s themes in communication. Secrets may surface, contracts may change, or conversations you’ve been avoiding may finally happen. Eclipse energy makes it undeniable. For you, Capricorn, it’s a reminder that words shape worlds. What you say, post, or share now can have lasting impact. Speak with intention, because the mic is definitely in your hands.

Aquarius Sun & Rising:

Aquarius, your planetary ruler Saturn’s return to Pisces this week puts money on the table — literally. For the next six months, your finances, self-worth, and resources are under Saturn’s microscope. Back when Saturn dipped into Aries earlier this year, you got a taste of responsibility in how you communicate and show up intellectually. Now Saturn is back in Pisces for a final stretch these next six months, and it’s about value. Are you undervaluing yourself, overextending your resources, or refusing to budget? Saturn will make sure you face it, but with discipline comes stability.

Meanwhile, Uranus’ retrograde in Gemini is turning the spotlight on your creativity and joy. Uranus has already been electrifying your passions, maybe even throwing curveballs in love or creative projects. But the five-month retrograde slows it down, asking: are you scattering your energy just for excitement, or are you honing it into something lasting? Think of this as editing mode. Cut the fluff so the real art shines.

Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse in your financial and self-worth zone is a cosmic reality check. Maybe money comes in suddenly, or maybe an expense forces you to rethink your approach. On an emotional level, this is also about how much you value yourself. The eclipse may expose places where you’ve sold yourself short. Don’t panic… it’s a chance to reset. This is your permission slip to claim your worth unapologetically.

Pisces Sun & Rising:

Pisces, this is your eclipse week. Saturn re-enters your sign on the 1st and joins forces with the lunar eclipse coming on the 7th — meaning the spotlight may initially feel blinding, but it’s transformative. Earlier this year, when Saturn slipped into Aries, you got a preview of responsibility in your money and values zone. That was about learning to budget your resources. Now Saturn back in Pisces is much more personal: it’s about maturity in your identity. Who are you becoming? What masks are you dropping? This six-month stretch is asking you to take yourself seriously.

On the 6th, the start of Uranus retrograde in Gemini adds chaos to your home life. Maybe you’ve been moving, redecorating, shifting family roles — Uranus has been electric here. But the retrograde is like a pause button. For the next five months, you’re reevaluating: are these changes actually aligned, or are you just shaking things up because you feel restless? Ground yourself before you flip everything upside down.

And then — your iconic eclipse. Sunday’s Pisces lunar eclipse is in your sign, and it’s major. This is not a drill. Endings and beginnings collide, and you may feel like your very identity is being rewritten overnight. Don’t cling to the old you. Let yourself evolve. Eclipses reveal what you’ve been hiding, even from yourself. By the time this energy settles (in mid-October), you’ll feel like a new version of yourself Pisces: stronger, clearer, and ready for the next chapter.

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Virgo Season 2025 Is Here

Cosmic beings, eclipse season is upon us, and September starts off with flashes of intuitive insight. We open the month with Saturn retrograde shifting back into Pisces on September 1st at 4:06 a.m. EST. Saturn, the Planet of Responsibility, has already been retrograde these past few weeks, but re-entering Pisces means we’re returning to a karmic classroom that first opened its doors in March 2023. If you think back to that period, what were you healing, grieving, or restructuring in your life? Chances are, threads from that storyline resurface now, asking for closure. This isn’t punishment; it’s a cosmic reminder that healing isn’t linear. Saturn retrograde in Pisces is like a gentle, stern guide saying, “You’re wiser now. Can you look at this same situation with new eyes?”

Here’s the thing about Saturn in Pisces: discipline doesn’t look traditional here. Pisces energy is not about spreadsheets and schedules — it’s about emotional honesty and spiritual commitment. Saturn in Pisces is a paradox: finding structure in the intangible. It may feel like trying to catch smoke with your hands, but the point isn’t to perfect the process, it’s to surrender into consistency anyway. Saturn is teaching us how to create rituals, boundaries, and sustainable practices in our dream life, so that when Saturn re- enters Aries in February 2026 for its full two-year stretch, we’re prepared to ground those dreams into reality.

And just in case you thought that was enough cosmic homework, the very next day — September 2nd — Uranus, Planet of Revolution, begins its retrograde in Gemini, for the first time in 84 years. Yes, Mercury retrograde may be over, but retrograde season is just getting started. Uranus Retrograde invites us to slow down the chaos of the past year and review where we’ve been chasing change for the sake of change. In Gemini, this can feel like information overload: too many ideas, too many directions. Retrograde here asks: are you innovating with purpose, or just scattering your energy? This is your moment to sift through the noise and find the lightning bolt of truth.

Then comes the main event: the total lunar eclipse in Pisces on September 7th at 2:09 p.m. EST. This is no ordinary full moon; eclipses are wildcards. They reveal what’s been hidden, bring climaxes to ongoing stories, and accelerate timelines. This Pisces lunar eclipse ties us back to whatever was stirring in Pisces season earlier this year (February 18th – March 20th). Emotions you suppressed back then may come spilling out. Expect heightened intuition, vivid dreams, and waves of release. Whether it’s forgiveness, closure, or even anger, don’t bottle it up. Cry, write, scream into a pillow — or head to a rage room if you need to. Pisces energy says: feelings demand to be felt.

Two weeks later, on September 21st, we experience a partial solar eclipse new moon in Virgo — the last eclipse of 2025. If the Pisces lunar eclipse feels like dissolution, the Virgo solar eclipse is reconstruction. Venus will have entered Virgo on September 19th, just days before, and while Mercury thrives in Virgo’s precision, Venus feels nit picky here. This means relationships could feel strained, as insecurities get projected. But don’t panic — this Virgo new moon eclipse is a healing balm. Think back to March 14th, when we had a Virgo lunar eclipse that felt destabilizing. This one is different. It’s about planting new seeds with discernment, clarity, and gentleness, not tearing yourself apart in pursuit of perfection.

And just when you think the cosmic drama is winding down, Mars, the Planet of Action, enters Scorpio on September 21st, the same day as the Virgo eclipse. Mars loves being in Scorpio. This is warrior energy, superhero energy — the type of cosmic boost that says: “You know who you are. So be it.” It’s raw power, but it’s also deeply intentional. The timing is divine: Mars in Scorpio arrives as you’re coming out of the eclipse tunnel, ready to step fully into your rebirth.

Then, Libra Season begins with the equinox on September 22nd at 2:19 p.m. EST, ushering in balance, partnership, and collective healing. The Libra Sun reminds us that transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. The people and relationships that survive eclipse season with you — the ones that feel like a vibrational yes — are the ones here to help you build your dream life. It may take a month or two to see clearly who belongs, but trust that clarity is coming. Libra Season paired with Mars in Scorpio is about teamwork that feels fated, partnerships that feel like destiny, and art that heals the collective.

Remember, as above, so below. These eclipses aren’t just about your personal life. They mirror the seismic shifts we’re feeling in the world. Expect political, cultural, and environmental awakenings, too. September asks us not just to heal ourselves, but to contribute to collective healing. Libra Season, especially, will highlight art, beauty, and justice as tools of revolution. This is not the month for artists to stay silent; it’s the month to create, to express, and to remind the world of what’s possible when we imagine a better future together.

Read your horoscopes for your Sun and Rising signs for the most in-depth forecast.

Aries Sun & Rising:

Aries, the highlight of September is the total lunar eclipse in Pisces on the 7th, and for you, it’s shaking up your healing, solitude, and subconscious zone. Translation: you might be hit with emotions you thought you buried, or old wounds you thought were “handled” suddenly resurface. Don’t panic. This eclipse isn’t here to drag you backwards; it’s here to help you finally stop running from what hurts and actually let it go. Expect vivid dreams, déjà vu moments, and maybe even a tearful rage-room release. The Pisces energy is asking you to stop pretending you’re invincible and give yourself permission to heal, messy and all. And with the Virgo eclipse coming later in the month, the universe is saying: clean up your habits, not in an obsessive way, but in a sustainable, self-loving way.

While the eclipses are demanding emotional excavation, Uranus retrograde in Gemini and Saturn retrograde in Pisces are the cosmic reminders to slow down. Uranus rewinding in your communication zone means your words, ideas, and even the way you text could feel chaotic or misunderstood. Instead of rushing into clapbacks, reflect before reacting. Saturn re-entering Pisces doubles down on the “rest and reset” theme — you’re literally being graded on how well you know when to stop pushing and just breathe. This is your final six-month rehearsal before Saturn comes for you full-force in 2026. You don’t need to sprint now. You need to learn how to find strength in stillness.

The good news? Once we cross through the eclipse tunnel, Libra Season arrives on the 22nd and the vibe softens. For you, that means your relationships and partnerships take center stage — and Mars entering Scorpio the same day lights a fire under your intimacy, sex, and financial zones. Think: balancing vulnerability with power. By the end of the month, you’re not the Aries who started September. You’re the Aries who knows that asking for support, whether in love or in business, doesn’t make you weak. It makes you unstoppable.

Taurus Sun & Rising:

Taurus, September’s Pisces total lunar eclipse on the 7th lands in your friendship and social network zone, which means your community connections are in the hot seat. This could be the moment you realize a friend is actually a frenemy, or that you’ve been overextending yourself in group dynamics that don’t feel reciprocal. Alternatively, you might meet someone during this time who changes your entire trajectory, like a friend- turned-lover or an online connection that opens massive doors. Eclipse energy is unpredictable, so release the need to control the story. Just know that whatever’s revealed around this time is clearing space for the people who are meant to ride with you into your next chapter. Then on the 21st, the Virgo solar eclipse will pull you back to your inner child, asking: are you still prioritizing joy, creativity, and love in all its messy forms?

On the retrograde side, Uranus rewinding in Gemini messes with your relationship to money and self-worth. You may feel like your finances are in flux, but don’t freak out — Uranus retrograde is a five-month review, not a punishment. It’s asking you to shake off outdated stories about scarcity and redefine what abundance really feels like. Meanwhile, Saturn re-entering Pisces activates your social network even further. You’re being asked to reflect: are you showing up authentically in your communities, or playing a role out of habit? This six-month stretch is your final Saturn-in-Pisces masterclass before graduation.

After all that shake-up energy, the cosmos blesses you with balance. Libra Season begins September 22nd, spotlighting your health and daily rituals. Mars entering Scorpio the same day turns up the heat in your relationship zone, making partnerships feel magnetic, intense, and deeply transformative. Whoever or whatever survived the eclipse drama is here for the long haul. End the month leaning into the stability you crave, Taurus — but remember, you can’t get it by forcing control. You get it by trusting the flow.

Gemini Sun & Rising:

Gemini, let’s talk about this Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th lighting up your career sector. To put it bluntly: this could be a plot twist. Maybe you’re recognized in a way you weren’t expecting, maybe a role or project suddenly ends, or maybe you’re asked to step into a bigger spotlight. Either way, you’re being reminded that the way you’ve been approaching your career isn’t sustainable, and it’s time to realign with what feels purposeful. Pisces energy loves to blur lines, so if you’ve been working jobs or projects that don’t feel spiritually fulfilling, this eclipse might push you to release them, even if it feels scary. Two weeks later, the Virgo solar eclipse on the 21st brings it back to basics: how are you building your life at home? What structures need refreshing so your career has a solid foundation?

But here’s the twist: Uranus retrograde begins in Gemini this month for the first time in 84 years. Talk about a cosmic identity check. Your entire sense of self, how you present, how you adapt… it’s all up for review. Retrogrades aren’t about panic; they’re about recalibration. Over the next five months, ask yourself: am I changing for growth, or just changing because I’m bored? Saturn retrograde in Pisces piles on the pressure in your career zone too, reminding you that shortcuts won’t cut it. If you’ve been dodging responsibility, the next six months are about facing it head-on. Saturn wants to know: do you actually want this role, this title, this path, or are you performing someone else’s dream?

The payoff comes at the equinox. Libra Season arrives on the 22nd and breathes fresh air into your creativity, love, and pleasure. Mars in Scorpio joins the party that same day, giving you the stamina to handle your responsibilities while still having fun. Translation: you don’t need to sacrifice joy for success. In fact, the more joy you integrate, the more aligned opportunities will flow in. By the end of September, you’ll realize this eclipse season didn’t derail you — it rerouted you closer to the life you’ve been craving.

Cancer Sun & Rising:

Cancer, September’s Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th is about to crack open your sense of possibility. It lights up your expansion zone, meaning themes of travel, education, spirituality, or legal matters could take surprising turns. Maybe you suddenly book a trip, maybe you decide to ditch a degree or start a new one, or maybe your faith in something higher gets tested (and rebuilt). Eclipses in this zone often feel like a cosmic graduation — you’re leaving behind limiting beliefs and expanding into uncharted territory. It might feel scary to step into the unknown, but deep down, you know your soul has been craving this shift. Two weeks later, the Virgo solar eclipse asks you to ground those dreams by actually making the calls, sending the emails, or writing down the plan.

The retrograde lineup is asking you to rethink what you thought you had figured out. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your closure and subconscious zone, shaking up the way you’ve been handling rest, healing, and release. Don’t be surprised if weird dreams or psychic downloads feel stronger than ever. Meanwhile, Saturn’s retrograde dip back into Pisces puts pressure on your expansion lessons too — no more “fake it till you make it.” Saturn wants you to study, practice, and live the philosophy you claim to believe. This is a six-month audit of your truth, and it’s going to test how aligned your actions are with your wisdom.

By the equinox, Libra Season begins on the 22nd, spotlighting your home, roots, and family dynamics. Just when you’re craving cozy vibes, Mars in Scorpio enters your pleasure zone the very same day, turning up the heat in love, creativity, and intimacy. Translation: your home base may need a reset, but your romantic and artistic side is ready to play. September may start intense, but by the end of it, you’ll realize you’re building a life that balances nurturing yourself with unapologetically shining.

Leo Sun & Rising:

Leo, September opens with the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th, which could rock your intimacy, finances, and shared-resources world. If you’ve been leaning too hard on someone else — or if someone’s been leaning too hard on you — the imbalance will be revealed. This eclipse can bring endings (a bill, a debt, or even a toxic connection could close out), but it can also bring breakthroughs in healing around trust, sex, and money. Eighth-house eclipses are rarely subtle, so give yourself grace as the feelings surge. And remember: whatever falls away is clearing space for more aligned intimacy. The Virgo solar eclipse later this month will shift the focus to your self-worth, reminding you that money and love flow more freely when you truly value yourself.

Meanwhile, this month’s retrograde duo is pressing pause for a reason. Uranus retrograde in Gemini is shaking up your friendship zone, which means your group dynamics may get messy before they get clearer. Who’s really down for you, and who’s just taking up space? Saturn retrograde re-entering Pisces takes that lesson deeper by asking you to reflect on shared energy and boundaries — are you giving your power away? Or holding onto grudges instead of healing? The next six months are like a cosmic therapy session you didn’t sign up for, but one that leaves you stronger, wiser, and more sovereign.

Thankfully, the end of the month shifts everything in your favor. Libra season begins on the 22nd, spotlighting your communication zone, and Mars in Scorpio activates your home sector the very same day. You’ll feel bolder in your words, sharper in your ideas, and more protective of your sanctuary. This combo is like a mic drop moment: you’re ready to speak your truth, set clear boundaries, and make sure your home life supports your glow up.

Virgo Sun & Rising:

Virgo, September is your month to break free and step into power — but it starts with the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th directly activating your relationship zone. This eclipse could be a make-or-break moment: some Virgos will walk away from connections that no longer serve, while others might have a fated meeting that feels like destiny. Eclipses in your opposite sign shake you out of your comfort zone, forcing you to see yourself through another’s eyes. It’s vulnerable, yes, but it’s also an opportunity for profound clarity about what you want and deserve in love and partnership. The solar eclipse in Virgo on the 21st brings it back to YOU — your self- image, your needs, your truth. It’s like the universe is saying: release what’s fake, reset into authenticity.

This month’s retrogrades back this story up. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your career sector, urging you to question whether the goals you’ve been chasing are truly aligned with your evolving values. Don’t rush decisions, but also don’t ignore the gut feeling that something is shifting. Saturn retrograde in Pisces doubles down on the relationship lessons — this six-month stretch is like relationship bootcamp, reminding you that responsibility and compromise are non-negotiable. Whether single or partnered, you’re being asked to stop playing small in love and step into emotional maturity.

By the time Libra Season arrives on the 22nd, you’ll feel a softening. Libra lights up your money and values, helping you see the tangible rewards of all the hard self-work. Mars entering Scorpio the same day fires up your communication, making you sharp, witty, and unafraid to say what’s on your heart. By the end of September, you’ll realize: the eclipses weren’t here to break you, Virgo. They were here to rebirth you.

Libra Sun & Rising:

Libra, the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th shines a spotlight on your wellness and routines. If you’ve been overworking, ignoring your body’s signals, or putting everyone else before yourself, this eclipse could force a reset. Maybe you realize you can’t keep running on caffeine and vibes, or maybe a work schedule collapses only to give you the freedom you didn’t know you needed. Eclipses in this zone are wake-up calls, reminding you that daily habits either lift you or drain you. The Virgo solar eclipse on the 21st will balance that out by encouraging you to prioritize rest and mental health — no more martyr energy, you deserve balance.

Retrograde season doubles down your transformation. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your expansion zone, making you question the path of higher learning, travel, or spiritual growth you’ve been walking. Are you expanding just to say you are, or are you expanding in ways that actually fulfill you? Meanwhile, Saturn’s retrograde re-entry into Pisces puts accountability on your wellness and work habits. Over the next six months, your body will literally keep the receipts of how you’ve treated it. This isn’t
about perfection; it’s about honesty and responsibility. Saturn’s asking: can you show up for yourself consistently?

When Libra season begins on the 22nd, all eyes are on you. It’s your solar return, your personal reset, and the equinox is hyping you up to step fully into your glow. On the same day, Mars in Scorpio shifts your money zone — meaning the universe is basically handing you a toolkit to not only reinvent your image but to monetize it. Own your magic, Libra. By the end of September, you’ll realize: this isn’t just a birthday season. It’s a cosmic and revolutionary rebirth.

Scorpio Sun & Rising:

Scorpio, September begins with fireworks thanks to the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th in your pleasure, romance, and creativity zone. Think of it as the universe swiping your canvas clean so you can create something fresh. This could look like a sudden spark with someone new, the ending of a romantic chapter that no longer fed your soul, or a breakthrough in artistic expression. Expect surprises in love and creativity — eclipses here can feel both thrilling and nerve-wracking. By the Virgo solar eclipse on the 21st, the focus shifts to friendships and networks, asking you to evaluate who’s really cheering you on and who’s just lurking in the background. You may also go viral on social media around this time, so express yourself with intention, clarity, and precision.

This month’s retrogrades stir the pot too. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your intimacy and shared resources zone, and this could dig up old financial agreements, debts, or even old lovers. Not necessarily to punish you, but to remind you where you’ve given away power and how to reclaim it. Meanwhile, Saturn retrograde in Pisces re-enters your romance and creativity lessons, which means the next six months are all about showing up for your passions consistently. If you’ve been waiting for the “perfect moment” to release your art or commit to a lover, Saturn is like: stop waiting, start living, and most of all, embrace the present moment.

The real mic drop moment arrives on the 22nd, when Libra Season begins and Mars enters Scorpio on the very same day. Libra invites you into cocoon mode: rest, healing, solitude. But Mars in your sign? That’s superhero energy. You’re recharging while also sharpening your sword, so by the time your birthday season starts in October, you’ll feel unstoppable. This is the month you realize: balance doesn’t mean dulling your fire. It means knowing exactly when to let it blaze.

Sagittarius Sun & Rising:

Sag, brace yourself: the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th pulls focus on your home, family, and roots. Something could shift with your living situation — maybe a move, maybe family drama surfacing, maybe a deeper understanding of where “home” really is for you. Eclipses in this zone can feel tender, pulling up emotions from childhood or long-buried family dynamics. But they’re also opportunities for healing… a chance to release generational patterns and plant new roots. By the Virgo solar eclipse later in the month, you’ll be ready to align your career path with that new foundation, proving that strong roots equal bold growth.

This month’s retrogrades keep you in check. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your relationship zone, so brace for plot twists in love and partnerships. An ex might reappear, or you might finally see clearly what balance you’ve been avoiding in a current bond. Saturn retrograde re-entering Pisces, meanwhile, asks you to step up in your home life — no more putting off the responsibilities that come with creating stability. For the next six months, Saturn is watching how you nurture yourself and your base. It’s not always fun, but it’s building the foundation for everything else you crave.

By the time Libra Season hits on the 22nd, the vibes lift. Libra lights up your friendships and social life, while Mars in Scorpio activates your healing zone the same day. Translation: you’re the life of the party, but you’re also craving those private moments of retreat to recharge. The balance is key. This month, you learn that your energy isn’t infinite, but when you spend it wisely — with the right people and in the right spaces — your light shines brighter than ever.

Capricorn Sun & Rising:

Capricorn, September starts with the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th illuminating your communication and mindset zone. Expect big conversations, unexpected news, or the need to release outdated ways of thinking. An email, text, or casual comment could act as a catalyst for a whole new perspective. This eclipse asks you: are your words aligned with your truth, or are you repeating old scripts out of fear or habit? By the Virgo solar eclipse on the 21st, the focus shifts to your long-term goals, education, and expansion — encouraging you to dream bigger once you’ve cleared your mental clutter.

This month’s retrogrades are your accountability partners. Uranus retrograde in Gemini rewinds your health and daily routine sector, showing you where inconsistency has been holding you back. You might realize that habits you thought were sustainable need tweaking. Meanwhile, Saturn retrograde re-enters Pisces, pulling you back into the lessons around communication, siblings, and short trips that first began in March 2023. Over the next six months, you’re asked to slow down and really refine how you express yourself. This isn’t just about speaking — it’s about listening, too. Saturn’s like: are you truly hearing what people are saying, or just waiting to respond?

The vibe shift comes with Libra Season on the 22nd. The sun lights up your career, giving you a cosmic spotlight, while Mars in Scorpio boosts your friendship and networking energy. Translation: your professional grind is paying off, and the right connections are appearing. By the end of September, you’ll see that when you balance hard work with genuine community, success feels way less lonely.

Aquarius Sun & Rising:

Aquarius, the Pisces lunar eclipse on the 7th hits your money and values zone. This could bring unexpected expenses, a new income stream, or a breakthrough around your sense of worth. If you’ve been undervaluing yourself or holding on to financial patterns that keep you small, the eclipse is here to shake things up. It’s less about losing and more about realignment; money is energy, and this eclipse reminds you that you set the tone for how it flows into your life. The Virgo solar eclipse later this month asks you to examine deeper patterns of intimacy and shared resources — how do you merge with others without losing yourself?

This month’s retrogrades intensify the inner work. Uranus retrograde in Gemini stirs your creativity and pleasure sector, making you re-examine how you’ve been pursuing fun, love, and passion. Old flames could reappear, or you could rediscover an abandoned creative project. Saturn retrograde’s re-entry into Pisces doubles down on money lessons, asking you to be more disciplined about your spending, saving, and self-worth. These next six months aren’t about hustling harder… they’re about getting clear on your boundaries and priorities so money flows in alignment with your truth.

By the time Libra Season kicks off on the 22nd, your focus shifts to expansion, education, and adventure. Suddenly, the world feels wider again. And with Mars in Scorpio boosting your career energy the very same day, doors are opening for you professionally too. End of September, you’re stepping into the spotlight with fresh clarity on your worth, ready to chase bigger dreams — and actually catch them.

Pisces Sun & Rising:

Pisces, we’ve made it to your eclipse. The lunar eclipse in Pisces on the 7th is the most personal turning point of the year for you. It’s like standing in front of a cosmic mirror and realizing what needs to change in your identity, relationships, or path forward. It can feel overwhelming — endings, revelations, or sudden shifts are possible. But eclipses always clear space for growth. This is the moment to release the masks you’ve been wearing and step into your raw, authentic self. Two weeks later, the Virgo solar eclipse in your partnership zone will highlight who’s truly meant to walk this next chapter with you.

Retrogrades echo this theme of self-discovery. Uranus retrograde in Gemini replays lessons around home, family, and roots. Old memories or unresolved dynamics could resurface, but this is about healing, not dwelling. Meanwhile, Saturn retrograde re-enters Pisces for the next six months, and this is deeply personal. Saturn’s asking you to grow up, step up, and be accountable for the person you’re becoming. No more drifting or waiting for others to define you; Saturn is like a coach whispering, “discipline is devotion.”

When Libra Season begins on the 22nd, your focus shifts toward intimacy and transformation, while Mars in Scorpio fires up your expansion zone. The combo is like cosmic jet fuel: deep emotional release paired with an urge to travel, learn, or break free. By the end of September, you’ll realize that while the eclipse may have shaken your foundations, it also gave you the wings to fly higher.

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

Virgo Season 2025 Is Here

Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a part-time chief of staff who has a $290,000 joint income and who spends some of her money this week on pediatric orthotic braces.

Occupation: Chief of staff, part time
Industry: Finance
Age: 31
Location: Dallas, TX
Salary: $80,000
Joint Income/Financial Setup: My husband, K., is in sales and can make up to $210,000. We have a joint bank account.
Assets: $200,000 between savings and wealth management accounts. We share everything, but the majority of the bills are on my credit cards because I manage our utilities. We pay off the cards every month.
Debt: We have $6,000 left on K.’s car (my car is paid off), $2,000 in medical debt, and $240,000 left on our mortgage.
Paycheck Amount (Every 2 Weeks): ~$6,400 (changes based on K.’s job) between both of us after 401(k)s, taxes, and insurance.
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing Costs: $2,400 mortgage with insurance included. K. and I live here along with our children, B. and D.
D.’s Childcare: $1,600
Peloton: $50
B.’s Therapies: $600. B. is in ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis), occupational, physical, and speech therapy. B. has been in some type of therapy for the majority of her life, and we have an amazing team of therapists for her. I did months of research and waiting to find the best small ABA clinic that would help B. with her aggression/functional needs while respecting her sweet personality and non-harmful stimming. We also pay about $1,000 a month in miscellaneous doctors’ appointments and other related ongoings — we have a private pediatrician we pay for, and visit specialists multiple times through the year, plus procedures.
TV Subscriptions: ~$100
Kindle Unlimited: $15
Dog Food Subscription: $100
Cellphones: $150
Kids’ 529s: $250
Private Pediatric Endocrinologist: $150 (this is for B.)
Waxing Subscription: $20
Spotify: $18 for a family subscription.
iCloud Storage: $2
Life Insurance Policies: $600

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
My parents don’t have college degrees, and neither do K.’s, and it was an expectation that we went in some capacity. I have my bachelor’s in marketing while K. has his master’s in accounting and a CPA license. My parents paid for a portion of my college, I had $25,000 debt when I left — we paid it off early on. K. received $10,000 and worked two or three jobs to pay off his college. He also finished his master’s early, which saved us some.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s) educate you about finances?
My parents helped me open up a savings account and provided a small allowance, but not much information past that.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was selling shoes! I got it to pay for college books and miscellaneous things.

Did you worry about money growing up?
No, my parents were very frugal and never showed that they were struggling. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we never went without.

Do you worry about money now?
I don’t. K. has done an amazing job managing our money, and we have the privilege of having great jobs.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I was 22 when I moved out of my parents’ house after college! Our family and friends would be there for us if we ever needed it.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
We have received $30,000 from K.’s grandparents over the years, as a gift. My parents also split the cost of our wedding with us ($12,000 total).

Day One: Monday

6 a.m. — The alarm goes off and it’s time to start the day! I always start my day between 5:45 a.m. and 6 a.m. I get ready for work, feed the dogs, cut up fruit for B.’s lunch, make a latte and head out. Meetings start at 8:30 a.m., so getting into the office at 7:30 a.m. is vital to get ready!

12 p.m. — I have my mid-year performance review with my boss. We go to lunch at a healthy spot, and I get a goat cheese salad. Just the best. I’m doing well in the position, but can feel a sense of insecurity at being part time and about making sure I’m adding value. She reassures me, and wants to get me more involved in the strategic actions that her leadership is doing. It’s great to have time to have that open and vulnerable conversation. I feel really good leaving lunch! $19 (Expensed)

3 p.m. — I picked up sweet B. from therapy — she had a great day! We run over to Nordstrom Rack to return a blazer that was just a bit too big. Then we go home for her to play while I straighten up the house and prep for dinner. B. and I go and pick up D. from daycare while K. finishes up his last work call for the day.

7 p.m. — A lot of outdoor play with water until we bribe the children with popsicles to get them inside to start bedtime. Both kids get baths, brush their teeth together, kiss goodnight, then stories and bed! B. likes to be cuddled for a bit then I sneak out of her room.

8 p.m. — K. tidies downstairs and finishes the dishes while I fold more laundry. Finally we cuddle up to watch the latest episode of The Gilded Age. I swear if Julian ruins Larian, I’m going to lose it! We finally go to bed around 10 p.m.

Daily Total: $0

Day Two: Tuesday

6 a.m. — Another early morning. Same routine getting ready and running out the door. It’s a “chill” day in the sense I don’t have too many meetings, so I can get actual work done. It’s budget and planning season, so the shorter days are packed.

12 p.m. — My company is catering lunch today! I grab lunch with some coworkers and we catch up on family and work life. We’ve all moved onto new roles so I’ve missed getting to see them.

2 p.m. — End of the work day! I pick up B. from therapy and we head home to pick up K. K. promised B. a cake pop this morning, so we stop at Starbucks to get them cake pops and coffee. $13

3 p.m. — B.’s off playing and reading while I call her speciality pharmacy. There’s a $2,000 balance that should be covered — thankfully my phone call resolves the issue. Then the manufacturer of her new pen device calls and we set up a training session for next week.

5 p.m. — We pick up D. from daycare then come home and immediately play outside. K. makes dinner while I entertain the kids until I finally give in to their pleas to watch Coco. B.’s speech therapy sends me her weekly update and some homework for us.

8 p.m. — I’ve missed D., so I do bathtime and bedtime with the little man. K. get B. in the bath, but I resume bedtime routine. K. tidies up and does dishes until he’s ready to watch The Menu together. We end up in bed at 10 p.m.

Daily Total: $13

Day Three: Wednesday

9 a.m. — We split kiddo duty today! I get both kids up and moving then take B. to her therapy, since it’s on the way to work. I make a latte at home to take with me.

12 p.m. — One of my besties from work has time so we go to a healthy spot for more goat cheese salad. I’m aware of my problem, but life is too precious to not repeat a good meal.  $19

2 p.m. — After B.’s therapy, we come home to play, then head out to her weekly therapy (OT and PT) appointment. She loves her therapists and gets so pumped to go every week.

5 p.m. — K. and D. go to Chipotle for dinner. I packed a bunch of snacks to hold B. and me over until we get back home. Today’s a therapy marathon for B., so we indulge in all the yummy things! Being healthy is for other days of the week. $18

6 p.m. — We get home and I make some dinner for B. and me. No time to play outside, but definitely time to indulge in Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. I text my friend letting her know I can’t make coffee in the morning due to some last-minute meetings. We reschedule for next Friday.

8 p.m. — Both kids are in bed! K. heads to bed after staying up late watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, so I curl up on the couch and read What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon in silence until 11 p.m.

Daily Total: $37

Day Four: Thursday 

7 a.m — I finally get to sleep in! I get up and make B.’s lunch before getting both kids up and ready for the day. I make a pot of coffee with our fancy Hawaiian coffee. I log on and try to get ready for the day while the kids eat and are distracted by Bluey.

9 a.m. — The kids are off to where they need to be and I’m finally home to work! B.’s orthotics clinic calls me to place the order for her new toe walking braces. They’ll help her gait and muscle weakness she has when she walks/runs. Since we magically haven’t met our deductible, we end up paying for half of it today. $650

12 p.m. — K. and I both have free time around lunch so we run up to Potbelly’s. These are the sweet moments during our week that mean so much to me, since our schedule is so crazy. We talk about work, our friends, and how great our kids are. $20

4 p.m. — I finish up work then go to pick up B. We get home and play for a bit. K. and B. then head out to Costco to buy some desperately needed groceries ($150). I sweep the house and attempt to clean, but give up and read my book. They swing by to pick me up, drop off groceries, and we go grab D. We all go to HEB to buy the other groceries we need ($100). K. cooks a lot of our dinners. He’s also decided he’s going to attempt to make cake pops this weekend. $250

5 p.m. — Since we get home right at dinner, I make some toddler charcuterie boards for the kids. K. grills some chicken and roasts potatoes. I end up eating a bit of both.

8 p.m. — After the kids are down and we finish our chores, K. bakes a cake for his cake balls. So fun. I take the dogs on a short walk. It’s so hot recently that our walks are short and less frequent. I curl up and read my book with some sleepytime tea before going to bed at 9 p.m.

Daily Total: $920

Day Five: Friday

7 a.m. — It’s finally Friday! I get B.’s lunch ready and the kids up and moving. I make a full pot of coffee for K. and me with some Hawaiian coffee we got from some friends. I drop the kids off today and prep for the meetings.

11 a.m. — I go to my local waxing place to get my brows waxed. I have a monthly membership, so I only pay tip today. $5

12 p.m. — I grab some gas on my way home from my wax appointment. $40

1 p.m. — The mobile dog groomer comes by and cuts the dog’s nails for us. I tip big  since our old grouches weren’t thrilled about getting into the van. $98

 2 p.m. — I work for the next few hours before picking up B. She’s off playing and listening to music while I start the process of making some more sandwich bread. I draw Disney princesses for B. in between bread tasks.

4 p.m. — I leave B. at home with K. while I pick up D. He had a great day and came home with a bunch of crafts. So cute. I add a few to our craft wall in the play room. Our favorite is aggressive scribbles with the drawing prompt of “sandwiches”.

8 p.m. — We split bedtime duty again. I get my sourdough starter ready for tomorrow morning. K. has made his first cakeballs: funfetti cake with lemon frosting dipped in chocolate, they turned out so well! I stay up reading with sleepytime tea then head to bed. K. heads out for a guys night at a friend’s house.

Daily Total: $143

Day Six: Saturday

7 a.m. — I’m the first one up today! I make a pot of coffee, turn on some chill music, and try to enjoy the peace. The kids wake up 15 minutes later so the peace was short-lived. My sourdough starter doesn’t pass the float test, so I feed it again.

9 a.m. — K. and D. head out to Target to pick up some travel items and cleaning supplies. He ends up getting the kids some toys because he can’t help himself. $110

10:30 a.m. — We pack the kids up and head to our local park. We play and swing for a bit before the heat becomes too much and we head home for lunch. The kids are not about each other, and it ends in both kids having meltdowns.

12 p.m. — I end up having a slight mental breakdown from just being a mom constantly. K. sees this, and takes them to my parents’ after their quiet time so I have the full afternoon by myself (I’m really lucky to have such a good support system). I go to Nordstrom Rack and try on clothes and find nothing. I head to Sephora to pick up some curly hair care — I end up buying some Pattern mousse, Ouai Curl Crème, and my favorite Lancôme mascara. $87

3 p.m. — On my way home, I stop by the grocery store  to buy some ingredients for a meal I’m making for a friend. She has a newborn, and we always do meal trains for each other. I get home, and K. comes back to help me tackle cleaning the house. I feel SO much better after the house is clean. $25

6 p.m. — We pick up the kids from my parents’ place — they had a great time! Once we’re home we have coconut popsicles before bedtime. Sourdough starter is ready, so I prep the dough for its bulk rise overnight.

8 p.m. — I check out Ann Taylor online to find they’re having a great sale! I ordered a few things to elevate my workwear. I’m meeting with executive leadership more in my role, and my business-casual needs to be more business than casual. $150

Daily Total: $372

Day Seven: Sunday

6:30 a.m. — I wake up and just scroll until I finally get out of bed. I make a pot of coffee and check on my sourdough. It looks ready to bake but I’m out of time to get the kids up and ready for church. I stick it in the fridge — hopefully it’ll be fine later.

9 a.m. — We’re late! B. goes off with her special buddy to accompany her to class. D. stays with us since all the kids in his room are crying. K. ends up spending the whole time in the lobby with D. until it’s time to go. B. had a blast and came home with a craft.

10 a.m. — We stop at Starbucks for some shaken espresso before heading to a local sporting goods store. $13

11 a.m. — D. has been protesting about his water bottles, so we’re going to let him pick one in hopes he’ll use it! He goes with the brightest yellow Yeti imaginable. We let B. pick out a small volleyball. We head home for lunch and quiet time. $37

12 p.m. — I make honey chipotle chicken in the slow cooker. I check my dough and it’s definitely overproofed, but I try baking it anyways.

1 p.m. — The sourdough’s out of oven and was indeed overproofed. I can just imagine Paul Hollywood poking it and commenting how bad the crumb is.

2 p.m. — K. goes for a swim while I finish up laundry. I finished my audiobook (The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches, go listen to it, it’s amazingly cozy) so I listen to a random YouTuber discuss the latest Office Siren trend on TikTok. I can’t imagine ever wearing a tube top and short skirt into the office! I text my sisters all about it.

3 p.m. — The kids are up! K. comes by and grabs B. to go swim at the pool. D. and I play in the backyard with the water table and then water my flowers. K. and B. join us after the neighborhood pool gets crowded.

5 p.m. — We get the kids inside using popsicles again (see a trend). K. runs to the grocery store because I forgot tins to put the food in, along with tortilla chips! I pack up the tacos, rice, and avocados for my friends then drop off the meal at their doorstep. K. makes dinner for the kids while I’m gone — we eat the leftover chicken for tacos. $20

8 p.m. — K. and I catch up after the kids are down. We talk about the upcoming schedule for the week, highs and lows of our previous week, and how we can serve each other. I put the rest of laundry away then do a clarifying hair mask followed by a conditioning hair mask. I add some Peloton classes to my schedule for the week and head to bed.

Daily Total: $70

The Breakdown

Conclusion

“This was a heavy spending week for us! Groceries really add up — we need to be a lot more efficient with our trips. I also read a lot when I could’ve worked out or walked the dogs more.

“Nothing prepared us for the cost, time, and energy of a special needs child. I acknowledge we’re in a great place financially and have amazingly flexible jobs, but the time and energy to fight insurance and find the best care feels overwhelming at times. I can only imagine and feel for those who have less, having to fight the same obstacles, especially in the state we live in. Everyone deserves the resources to ensure their children have the best chance to live their best life.”

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more Money Diaries, click here.

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Doing the “right” thing. The wellness thing. Or even the self-betterment thing, is so impressed upon us these days, we can feel guilty when we make the “wrong” choice for our overall wellbeing. Things like: Texting an ex, getting drunk instead of sitting with tough emotions, flaking on the gym to bed rot, foregoing journaling yet another night. We all do them. It’s fun. It’s enlivening. It isn’t something you want to make a regular occurrence, but being messy is part and parcel of being human. It’s time we stopped berating ourselves for it.

On Instagram and TikTok we’re seeing this play out with playful takes on the “you look happier when” trend, in which people film themselves smiling with this caption overlaid. Some people have gone about the trend in earnest, finishing the sentence with “you go to bed on time and cut screen time”. But others have been more tongue in cheek. “You look happier when you spend a weekend with your ex and don’t tell your friends”, being a clear example of this. It’s unsurprising this is happening midsummer when attitudes typically lean towards prioritizing fun over productivity, and when shows like Lena Dunham’s Too Much have us hooked — a show about being messy, imperfect, and growing through poor choices. Being messy harnesses growth so we’re leaning into it.

@maxeisenberg1

lolzies I’m kidding … unless?

♬ sonido original – i24.millaaa

Is it harmless to embrace our messy selves? Pamela Roberts, therapist at Priory, says there are two types of happiness and that both are important. “Hedonic happiness is the kind of happiness you get from pleasure and enjoyment,” Roberts says. It’s the feeling you get from a delicious meal, a funny movie, or a spontaneous night out with friends. “This type of happiness is often short-lived and focuses on maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. It’s about feeling good in the moment. Eudaimonic happiness, on the other hand, is a deeper and more lasting form of happiness. It comes from living a life of purpose, meaning, and personal growth. This is the happiness you get from achieving a long-term goal, helping others, or developing skills. It’s not always about feeling good in the moment, it might even require sacrifice or hard work.”

Roberts says that allowing yourself to make the “messy” choice does have some psychological benefits, to a degree. At its best, it can be a “form of mindfulness”, because you’re fully present in the moment. It can also be a way to relieve stress and break free from the pressure of always doing the “right” thing. However, doing too much of this can make us pain-adverse, resulting in an inability to tolerate any kind of emotional pain, like boredom, sadness, and guilt.

@danielachern

not very hot girl summer of me but oh well

♬ sonido original – i24.millaaa

There is a psychological benefit to being flexible and being able to tune into what you need at a particular moment, is the view of psychotherapist Liz Kelly, author of This Book Is Cheaper Than Therapy. That might not be the “healthiest” choice all of the time. “It’s essential to discern whether you are engaging in a behavior intentionally, because you genuinely want to, or if you are participating in a pattern of numbing out or distraction from difficult feelings,” she says. It might be helpful to think about whether an action is going to lead to more stress or complications down the road.

Making sure a messy night doesn’t snowball into a messy year

Roberts says it’s crucial to differentiate between occasional “messiness” and a pattern of self-sabotage. “The former can be a healthy release, while the latter can be a sign of deeper issues. So, is this mindful messiness and would it be as satisfying? When making a frivolous, messy choice, like seeing an ex, it’s important to be mindful and intentional about the actions taken to avoid this snowballing into a bigger issue.” Make sure you show yourself compassion, too — no one is perfect all of the time. She recommends: setting boundaries, reflecting on your motivations, and how you feel afterwards. But also, to have fun. “A life of constant discipline and self-control can lead to burnout,” she says. “Treat frivolity as a single occasion, not as a new way of life. The occasional embrace of frivolity can be a healthy expression of an adventurous spirit, if it’s not a means of self-sabotage. The image of walking a tightrope is a good analogy here — it’s about balancing fun and spontaneity with a clear understanding of your boundaries and goals.”

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As women, navigating the complexities of life can often feel like running on a hamster wheel — constantly moving, yet never quite able to pause and catch your breath. Wearing multiple hats every day can be exhausting, especially when it’s layered with the challenge of tending to personal needs, nurturing dreams, and healing old wounds.

But with organizations like Let It Break, the mold is shifting. They’re creating a community of like-minded women who are both vulnerable and strong — a space where honesty is met with support, and where transformation feels not only possible, but sustainable. Savannah James, April McDaniel and Porsha Ellis are the three women behind the scenes creating a safe space for women that is more than a membership — it’s a movement.

Ellis serves as the CEO and put it best when speaking with Unbothered, that at its core, the real heart of Let It Break is about creating room to stop, breathe and remind yourself that you don’t have to hold it all alone. Like so many of us, as she put it: “Despite the highs of my career as a marketing executive, I yearned for more—alignment, growth, and the courage to be the most authentic version of myself.”

As ambitious, career-centric women striving to achieve excellence and live up to high standards, it becomes less about the next milestone and more about the cost of time, intentionality, personal growth and fulfillment. So instead of only discussing it in the group chat, the trio decided to create something meaningful and worthwhile, designed to interrupt the cycle of burnout and remind women that success and softness can coexist. During our chat, Ellis dropped personal gems while sharing insights and honest reflections. And if you’re wondering what’s next for the brand, keep reading to learn more.

Unbothered: What is something that you had to unlearn either personally or professionally?

Porsha Ellis: At Let It Break, we talk a lot about unlearning and about shedding. The journey of personal growth is not a linear process. It’s not something that we arrive at. That’s what people sometimes think: ‘Okay, I’ve done this and I’ve made it here, and now everything is fixed.’

It’s a constant journey that I find myself on. I’ve been on [this journey] for a while, and I think for me, the journey started with motherhood and having two daughters, and wanting to think about how I can give them the tools earlier than what I had, and how I can have conversations with them earlier than I had as a kid. For me, the things I’m unlearning are really about surrendering and letting go of the things I can’t control. I have a tendency to hold on to things longer than I need to.

I’ve learned this through the process of being a part of Let It Break that I don’t sit still with myself very much. So when life starts, lifing, I like to stay busy doing all the things, but it’s a distraction from actually being in touch with my feelings, and understanding what I need in the moment. The other thing I’m unlearning is the idea that I should always be busy. I’m learning to sit still and process whatever I’m going through, which is a significant learning lesson that I’m still working through.

What kind of energy do April and Savannah bring into the space in terms of how your team has shaped the culture you’re creating?

PE: It’s such an interesting dynamic. The backstory with the three of us is that April and I have worked together for the last 10 years, and have built a friendship outside of our working relationship. Through that relationship, I worked at her agency, Crown + Conquer, for six and a half years, and we’ve had a long-standing working relationship, which has also allowed us to develop a personal connection. And April and Savannah were friends outside of the workplace as well, and then, all these things came together. The energy of the three of us is interesting. April is the fiery person. She’s not shy about expressing her feelings or thoughts, and people love and respect her for that.

Savannah is on the other end of the spectrum, bringing a sense of calmness and peace, and is very mellow in terms of her personality and how she presents herself. If you’ve watched their podcast before, they play off of each other really well, and they balance each other out. Then I fit in right in the middle. I can be a little bit more like April, and then I can be a little bit more like Savannah, and it depends on the situation that we’re in. If you’re into astrology, I’m a Libra. I’m a balancer, so I find the sweet spot between the two of them, and I think it all works really well together when we’re coming into a situation of presenting, Let It Break to people, because you really do see the differences in our personality, and that allows a lot of people to connect differently to us.

Although we are three African American women, we share many similar concerns, but we also have different interests, which complement each other, allowing us to connect with a wide range of women. And I love it. The dynamic is really cool, especially when we all come together for what we’re building and what our community will eventually look like.

I love how you can bring your individuality into a collective space so that it merges and complements each other in the end. Now the wellness industry can be noisy, commercialized, and sometimes performative. So what does integrity look like for you as a CEO in this particular space?

PE: Integrity is really about knowing who we are, as a brand, as a community. What world are we really serving for women, and how are we supporting women and staying true to that, no matter what. I’ve learned from some advisors that we brought on, who have built other women’s membership communities, some of which still exist, some of which don’t, is that to build and keep the integrity of a community, it’s a little counterintuitive to have this desire to want to be 20,000 members.

We’ve really taken a slow and steady approach to our growth because we want to create something that is sustainable and lasts a long time. When you’re building community, you have to do that. You have to keep the intentionality of what the purpose is, of what you want to do. So, if our purpose is to create space for women to be seen, to have a vulnerable space where they can be real and be themselves, and to be in community with other women on a more human level, it’s not, ‘What can you do for me?’ or ‘What can I do for you?’ We want to support each other, but it’s not from a transactional level. It is a more deeply rooted connection. We have to stay true to how we build that community and what type of offerings we have. Everything we do stems from this high-level pillar. For me, integrity is knowing who we are, what space we are taking up, and staying true to that truth.

Several reports have indicated that women, in particular, feel like they are constantly burned out. I know for Black women, that number is even higher and less often discussed, and I feel this is the perfect platform to discuss it. So what’s one thing you wish more women knew about the difference between pushing through and healing through?

PE: This is something we talk a good amount about. The biggest thing for me is knowing when to push through and knowing when to pause. There are times in all of our lives when we have to put our heads down and get through whatever it is that’s happening or whatever season we’re in. But sometimes we push through and push through and push through, and then it’s not until we’ve built up all of these unprocessed emotions that we then implode.

I believe that what we’re creating with Let It Break is an opportunity to take inventory of ourselves and where we are at different points and stages of our lives, so that we don’t continue to push through, push through, push through, and then come out and say, ‘Oh, I have no idea who I am. I have no idea what I want right now.’ It is the constant checking in with ourselves and the maintenance, what I like to call the maintenance work of our personal growth and evolution. It’s really important to make space to process things, to sit with ourselves, and to take inventory of what a situation looks like for us. I would say, as often as you can pause and reflect.

For me, I’m a big journaler. I write a lot. It helps me process my thoughts and my feelings. It also helps me think about the things I want for my future and manifest them into existence. So, again, it’s not realistic to say, ‘don’t push through anything,’ but I do think in the times when you have to push through, how are you tending to yourself outside of that? Pushing through is necessary for all of us at certain phases or times in our lives. But it’s not healthy to push through without any light at the end of the tunnel.

Healing is very personal. Some people seek therapy, some meditate, and others have hobbies, which serve as their outlet. I think it’s very personal to what you need and what you’re going through, and as long as you are in touch with that and are figuring out what that looks like for you, and constantly and intentionally making time to say, ‘Okay, let me actually take a step back for a second. I’ve been heads down for the last month. Do I feel good? How does my body feel?’ Check in with yourself because that’s a really important part of it that some of us miss often, and then we end up in worse situations than if we had just checked in with ourselves along the way.

What would be a piece of advice you offer someone who is currently feeling stuck, burned out, or unsure of what’s next, and they say, ‘I don’t know what to do’?

PE: The first thing is going back to the pause to take a second. And actually carve out time to take a second and think about what it is that I’m really struggling with, what it is that I’m really dealing with? Sometimes it’s not just about what you think. It’s about how you actually feel and being in touch with your feelings. If you don’t feel like you know what to do, pause and make space to sit, think, and assess what is at the core of what you’re dealing with that’s really bothering you, because when you think about the layers of something, a lot of people can get to the root of what it might be. Maybe you don’t know for sure, and in that case, I would say, seek counsel, or seek guidance from somebody that you trust, and get another opinion. Or if it’s something you can identify for yourself, then actively make changes.

Many of us sit and ruminate on things that we know are not healthy, but we try to push through, or we feel like there is something we have to get through to reach the other side. Even when we reach the other side, that thing still exists. It depends on what it is, too, like feeling burnt out. Some of it is a product of feeling like you have to be in a job or feeling like you have to be doing something to prove your worthiness. That’s a more deeply rooted issue that you have to take the time to work through, to understand where it comes from and how to move and navigate outside of it.

Lastly, what’s next for the brand? Can you discuss any upcoming ideas or projects on the horizon?

PE: There’s a lot that we’re working on, and for us, we do want to figure out a way to expand to another market. We’re prioritizing LA and New York because we have physical presence in those cities. The goal is for people to convene in person. Whether we’re doing educational pieces or on the community side, we are exploring other ways to connect with people outside of our membership. There may be some things that we roll out in the future that allow external members to be a part of what we’re doing, in some way, shape, or form. I’m excited about some partnerships we are working on, which I can’t name just yet. However, for us, connecting with mission-aligned brands that truly value supporting women in this way is really important to us.

We just hit our one-year mark, so we’re continuing to lay the foundation for what we’re building. We’re considering another market where we can establish a presence and grow, while expanding our community in the process. Additionally, we have some exciting developments in store, so stay tuned.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

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I keep a handful of images permanently bookmarked on my camera roll: candid selfies of Scandinavian fashion influencers with bleached blonde hair flicked out in layers — the kind of effortless glamour that makes me want to book a salon appointment immediately.

I already have some layers in my long hair, so the look was somewhat achievable with a bit of professional blowdry magic. However, I can never quite hit the same level of volume and luxuriousness with my curling iron at home. For a while, I blamed my hair type: I have straight, dark brown Asian hair with medium texture, while the many Scandinavian it girls who also helped popularize the hairstyle have finer, wavy blonde hair.

As it turned out, it wasn’t about the texture or my hair color at all. What I really needed was to request a “feathered butterfly cut”. At the invitation of Swedish haircare brand Björn Axén, I traveled to Stockholm to receive the viral chop straight from its trending source. Keep reading to see how Peter Hägelstam — co-owner of the brand and renowned hairstylist to Queen Silvia of Sweden — transformed my hair and even made me look taller.

@stylebyhuss Say no more… Im lovin’ it🫧 @Filippa Moulier #layers #butterflycut #blowout #bouncyhair #volume #lowmaintenancehair #scandinavianstyle #filippamoulier #teasylights #studioreve #stylebyhuss ♬ som original – scand7ll

What is the feathered butterfly cut?

The butterfly cut is a layered haircut designed to give you volume at the crown without sacrificing length. Shorter layers around the face lift and frame your features, while the longer sections through the bottom maintain weight and movement. The layers are “feathered”, meaning they are cut at an angle so they appear soft, airy and graduated. The aim is to add dimension and fullness, making it especially appealing for flat, fine hair.

This look may have been making the rounds on social media in recent years, but the cut itself is nothing new. “The butterfly cut gives a flavor of both the ‘70s and ‘80s, when looking like you have lots and lots of hair was very important,” explains Hägelstam. “We see this influence a lot in Sweden, as Farrah Fawcett made it very popular here.”

What was it like to get the feathered butterfly cut?

Hägelstam took three to four inches off the front pieces of my hair so that it fell just below my cheekbones. The length of the front pieces gradually increased to graze just under my chin. Since I have a centre part, Hägelstam says this visual curve will help lift the lips and frame the face. Making the top pieces of my hair shorter also helps to create the illusion of more volume, as it’s no longer weighed down.

The longest part of my hair was kept roughly the same length in the back, while the rest of the hair was trimmed into interconnected layers, which Hägelstam explained “flow like a river and connect to the neck.” To achieve this, the ends are feathered with thinning shears so that they appear smoother and catch the light.

If your hairstylist isn’t familiar with the butterfly cut, I recommend asking for face-framing front pieces — with subtle layers that blend seamlessly through the mid-lengths and ends — so they get an idea of how it should look.

What’s the feathered butterfly cut like IRL?

I’m not the best at curling my own hair, and have always relied on professional appointments to achieve that fabulously flipped out look. But this haircut has done wonders for my confidence in administering the perfect blowdry. The layers made it easy to separate the hair into small sections for curling, and because the hair has a lot more bounce, I can just follow the natural curvature of each section to decide on the direction of the curl.

But what surprised me even more is how lovely it looks when I leave it straight. I adore the way it frames my face at the front, and my ends appear so healthy, with plenty of shine, playfulness and movement. “This haircut suits a lot of people because it’s very versatile and it can be worn curly or straight,” Hägelstam confirms. “You can play with the shorter layers, but there’s still an illusion of thickness thanks to the dynamic layers, and it’s long enough to be tied up.”

I can confidently say that the feathered butterfly cut isn’t just a trend — it’s a haircut that makes styling feel easier, no matter how little time I have to get ready in the morning.

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It’s 2 a.m. and the enemies in my new romantasy book have just turned into lovers — and it’s turning me on more than I expected. This is part of a familiar pattern, and one that speaks to my new habit of using smutty books as masturbation material on a weekly basis. My arrival into this corner of the literary world comes after years of feeling disconnected with traditional porn and other sources of solo sex material, from ethical visual content to spicy audio stories. Fantasy smut — I have discovered — is what I’ve been looking for all my life.

I’m not alone in my fascination with spicy romantasy — that’s “romance-meets-fantasy”. In fact, sales of these books are up an estimated 40% year-on-year, with 2024 seeing $610 millions’ worth. Sales this year have shown no signs of slowing down: the influence of Booktok is hard to deny, and it’s not just online where we’re feeling the love for this genre, with entire IRL bookstores — such as Saucy Books in London — being founded on the premise that romantasy (and romance more widely) is the future. In short, we’ve all gone wild for horny fae, fated lovers and slow-burn, “forced proximity” forbidden romances (with dragons, of course).

This boom in popularity suggests there’s certainly something that’s capturing our attention, and while much has been made of our new-found love for spice in mainstream media, the connection this has to our sex lives is still yet to be fully explored. What we do know is that content creators, such as Soluna Artworks are making money selling NSFW generated images of our favourite romantasy characters through Patreon, highlighting the clear appetite for smut that can facilitate our arousal (and hopefully our orgasms). We’re also seeing the rise of sub-genres that suggest we are consuming romantasy for sexual purposes. Dark romantasy, for example, is blowing up on TikTok. This is a world where the morally grey MMCs (male main characters) become even more morally grey, and the smut even smuttier.

What’s also become apparent to me is that I’m not the only one who’s seen a change in their sex life since reading these books. Speaking to like-minded readers on Instagram after sharing a call-out, I was surprised by just how many people could relate to my new habits. One, aged 28, confirms that she too, uses them for “masturbation material,” and that it’s their slow burn appeal she enjoys the most, which she describes as “so much better than random people on a screen, which feels super performative.”

Sex experts are also seeing a rise in clients turning to these resources. Georgia Grace, certified sex and relationships practitioner and author, tells Refinery29 she’s “noticing more people saying that reading smut books has had a significant impact on their sex lives and desire for sex.”

Despite the fantasy elements in these books, relatability is certainly an appeal, and a reason they’re having such a positive effect on our sex lives. The success of bestsellers like ACOTAR and Quicksilver speaks to our desire for tension, with a slow-build that incorporates emotional depth and love stories with explicit sex. “Many readers feel safer exploring eroticism when it’s wrapped in a storyline of romance, loyalty, or personal growth,” confirms Dr. Viviana Coles, marriage, family and sex therapist, and founder of VIVID Relationships. Unlike porn, where everything typically happens quickly and without much character-building, romantasy books (often written by women authors and featuring strong female protagonists) tend to prioritise women’s perspective, rather than the male gaze. We finally get stories that focus on our pleasure, which is empowering — and hot.

Smut scenes in romantasy books present innovative, exciting new ways to explore — or kickstart — our solo sex lives, too. “For those who struggle with low desire, getting lost in a storyline that mixes intimacy, adventure, and erotic tension can be a powerful way to reconnect with their sexual selves,” says Coles. Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, certified sex therapist and author, adds that these stories can be particularly useful “for people who have responsive desire [in comparison to spontaneous desire], which is sexual desire that emerges in response to arousal or something sexually appealing.” I’ve always struggled with getting turned on alone, so I can fully relate.

As masturbation material, romantasy books are both easy to access and ethical. They’re also not exclusively useful for single people and can “help build arousal and interest prior to engaging in partnered sex,” according to Fogel Mersy. My own experiences have proven this: during a tense time with a recent-ex, I read a spicy scene from a book out loud, which — to my surprise — prompted sex between us. Someone from Instagram similarly told me that while she doesn’t tend to use romantasy for self-pleasure, “replicating some of the scenes in real life (sans armour and dragons, ofc) with my partner has really improved our intimacy.” Another friend shared that reading the Fourth Wing series helped her to realise her then-longterm relationship wasn’t working anymore due to the lack of physical intimacy. She’s now in a new partnership with a thriving sex life.

While romantasy can be seen as a positive influence on our sex lives, there are potential drawbacks, too. Personally, I’ve struggled with using them as escapism and then having to return to reality, which is ultimately a disappointment after hours of reading about men who are dedicated to a fault, giving their women triple orgasms in under two minutes. (This is particularly sobering when I’m not currently engaging in any partnered sex.) This, Dr. Coles says, is something to be aware of. “Just like mainstream porn can create unrealistic expectations for men, romantasy can set up unrealistic timelines and experiences for women. In real life, most women don’t orgasm from two minutes of penetration. If a reader doesn’t recognise the difference between fantasy and reality, it can create frustration, pressure, or disappointment in their actual sex life.” A respondent on Instagram confirmed this does have the potential to happen. “It can spoil you a little,” she told me. “Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Wow, you’re never going to make me orgasm so hard that it creates a lightning storm and breaks all the buildings around us’”.

There’s also the potential for us to become habituated (and less responsive) to the material over time, argues Dr. Coles. “When erotica becomes someone’s primary source of sexual stimulation, especially if they consume it excessively, it can start to rewire their arousal patterns. This is similar to what we sometimes see with porn: over time, a person might need more and more novelty, intensity, or extreme scenarios to achieve the same level of arousal.” She adds that it’s not the books themselves that should be avoided, but “using them in a way that trains your brain to crave only a very specific, highly-stimulating kind of arousal” can be problematic. If you use the books to masturbate, you may find it better not to include them as part of your daily routine outside of a sexual context, instead creating space to prioritise self-pleasure while reading and fully engaging with the material. Reading or listening to them during everyday tasks like grocery shopping or riding the train to work is not always the ideal approach, Coles says, because it can “normalise a heightened, fantasy-driven form of sexual stimulation.”

But this is really where nuance comes in: while we can become reliant on smutty fiction or begin to use it in a less productive way, it’s relatively easy to re-establish a healthy balance. This includes, as mentioned, only reaching for books before bed when you can act upon your urges if they arrive. It can also be worth switching things up by taking a break or “looking at new genres, expanding your repertoire,” says Grace. What this can help with, she continues, is “consuming these books beyond a rigid or linear way.” And of course, if you do find yourself struggling, sex therapy is there as a resource.

Ultimately, romantasy can have an incredible impact on your solo and partnered sex life, when used productively and as part of a wider approach (I am testament to that!). Also acknowledging its limitations (and the fact these books are fiction) can go a long way in using it for masturbation in a healthy way. “Use them as inspiration, not instruction,” urges Coles. “Use them to spark conversations about your fantasies [with partners] and for solo play, pair reading with mindful self-touch instead of racing to climax — this helps you stay grounded in your body rather than just escaping into the story.” And remember that all fiction books are written to be sold as entertainment. It’s just convenient that, in this case, that entertainment comes with (hopefully) an orgasm or two.

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Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a medical director who has a $715,000 joint income and who spends some of her money this week on baby ultrasounds.

Occupation: Medical director
Industry: Healthcare
Age: 32
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Salary: $170,000 base and bonus
Joint Income/Financial Setup: $715,000. My bonus last year was $70,000, but it can be highly variable. My husband, J., is a physician and makes $475,000 a year. We share all our finances, and our paychecks go directly into our joint accounts, which we use to cover all expenses. We still do have our individual personal accounts, which we both keep at a minimum level, but otherwise don’t regularly deposit money into.
Assets: Primary home equity: $1,000,000; total joint savings and checking: $53,900; my total retirement accounts (401(k), 503(b), etc); $110,000; total money market/investment/brokerage accounts: $96,000.
Debt: Mortgage: $1,400,000; car: $28,700; J.’s student loans: $20,000.
Paycheck Amount (2x/month): $3,900 (post taxes and 401(k) contribution deducted).
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing Costs: Mortgage: $11,800
Home Maintenance: $675 (cleaner, landscaping, pest control etc.).
Utilities: ~$150
Loan Payments: J.’s student loan: $1,024; car loan payment: $781.50.
Wifi: $65
J.’s Disability Insurance: $223
Car Insurance: $151.60
ClassPass: $20
Nuuly: $107 (clothing rental service).
Peloton: $130
Cell Phone: $0 (we’re both on our respective family’s plans, so our parents pay).
Home Alarm System: $33
Streaming Services: $0 for Hulu and Netflix — these are shared among friends and family; we provide HBO Max (free from prior employer).
401(k) Contribution: $1,830

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes. My parents are immigrants and value higher education as a way to build success in the United States. They both went to college, and my dad went to a very competitive graduate school program, despite his humble beginnings and had to support himself financially through it. I went to a private undergraduate program and medical school, and I was extremely fortunate that my parents paid for most of it.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s) educate you about finances?
Both my parents are self-employed in the same industry, so they spoke of their work and compensation often. However, I don’t think they ever sat me down and taught me how to plan a budget and stick with it, or other practical advice.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was in college in a research lab. I mostly did it to get experience in research and was paid minimum wage ($12 an hour at that time).

Did you worry about money growing up?
No. I grew up in an upper middle class family and was extremely fortunate that, although my parents were self-employed, they did well in their field, and if they had a tough economic period, they shielded my siblings and me from knowing. I felt very secure knowing that my parents would help me with education.

Do you worry about money now?
Sometimes, although my husband J. and I are doing very well financially on paper, with our mortgage and living in a very high cost of living area, it feels like we aren’t able to save as much as our peers living in different places or who had different career paths. As physicians, J. and I both went through many years of training where we were making a little over minimum wage when taking into account how many hours we worked. Being in the San Francisco Bay Area, most of our friends work in tech, and it is hard not to compare their high salaries, great benefits, and better work-life balance, which they were able to enjoy with a lot less education and training than with a career in medicine. Additionally, I am currently pregnant and about to be on maternity leave, and the loss of income is something we are nervous about.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Once I graduated medical school, I became financially responsible for myself. However, I know that we can always lean on my parents or my in-laws as a financial safety net if we truly need help.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Yes. My parents gifted us part of the down payment for our home. I know that I will likely receive an inheritance from my parents.

Day One: Saturday

6:55 a.m. — Alarm is off, time for (remote) work. For the past few weeks, I’ve been waking up early from my baby’s kicks. Currently, I’m almost 36 weeks pregnant with our first, and I’ve been told this is to be expected. Today is one of the few days that the alarm wakes me before the baby does. I do a quick morning bathroom routine. We are babysitting my parents’ dog, A., and I give him a snuggle and feed him his food. My husband, J. walks him after he gets ready for the day.

9:30 a.m. — I usually work independently, and it’s a light day, so I put on a hypnobirthing online class in the background. It is hosted by The Baby Academy, and they usually charge for their classes, but this one happens to be complimentary. It’s pretty interesting, and I make a note to look into the affirmations playlist they recommend and review some birthing positions after work. I love my current job, which I have been at for the past year and a half. I am really grateful to be able to start maternity leave in a couple of days, which would not have been the case for my prior job.

12:30 p.m. — No dedicated lunch break for me today, so J. heats up some leftovers for both of us. He works in a hybrid environment and, on average, goes in-person twice a week. On my dedicated lunch break days, I often cook a fresh lunch for both of us. I eat at my desk.

2 p.m. — Today is a short day, and I’m done with work. I let A. out and respond to texts. My family friend’s daughter sent a thank you for some medical school supplies I gave her from my old med school days. Another friend updates me that she has given birth and sends a photo of her adorable baby.

2:40 p.m. — My feet are getting really swollen after my walk with A. We are invited over to a friend’s house for dinner tonight, but I don’t have it in me to make the homemade dessert I was planning to bring. My mom was planning to pick up A. this afternoon, and I tracked her location and found that she is right next to one of my favorite local bakeries. I call her and ask if she can pick up some princess cake slices and Bavarian creams puffs and venmo her for them. I take a nap. $30

3:35 p.m. — I wake up feeling much better. Third trimester really has me napping all the time! My mom comes over and drops off the bakery goods and brings A. home. It’s my friend’s birthday party next week, and I realize I haven’t gotten her anything yet. I get her a lululemon water bottle bag in black, and find that there is also one on sale in an unusual color. I decided to get both and save the odd color one as an emergency gift for my gift stash. I am very emotionally attached to my Yeti water bottle and find this water bottle holder to be a perfect fit for it, while also being able to carry my phone and card case. I hope my friend loves it as much as I do. J. has to finish some work, so I try to fit in some studying for my online MBA course. $62.22

5:15 p.m. — Oops! I end up taking a second nap instead, and it’s time to go to our friend’s place for dinner. Since moving to the suburbs and getting pregnant, we’ve been trying to become closer with our local friends who have children. Our friends have two little ones, and we bring over a present for the little boy who just had his birthday, plus the pastries and ice cream. Their little boy loves toy trucks and spends time pointing out his favorite ones to J. and me.

7:10 p.m. — Their kids are getting tired and need to get ready for bed, so we thank our friends for dinner, excuse ourselves, and head home. It’s a cool night, and we decide to take a walk around the neighborhood. Evening walks are a ritual we really enjoy taking together; however, as my pregnancy has progressed, I find myself huffing and puffing excessively during them. It feels like a little victory now every time we make the full loop.

8:12 p.m. — Time for my nightly routine: I shower and do my regimen. I’ve been very into the Biodance collagen gel toner pads, and after, I apply my Tatcha The Dewy Skin cream. I also make sure to slather a ton of Bio-Oil on my belly to prevent stretch marks. I have heard that (sadly) stretch marks are largely genetic and there isn’t too much you can do to prevent them, but that moisturizing does help.

9:30 p.m. — J. and I tried watching the new season of Sandman, but we both found it pretty odd, and we had completely forgotten what happened in the prior season. We end up both falling asleep through it, and when we wake up, we decide to head to bed.

12 a.m. — Good night!

Daily Total: $92.22

Day Two: Sunday

6:55 a.m. — Alarm goes off; I do my morning routine, turn on the computer, and get to work! I eat a breakfast of cottage cheese and kiwi at my desk.

12:22 p.m. — I have my dedicated lunch break. J. and I are both working from home today, and I boil up some frozen dumplings for us. I’m still hungry after and end up eating some cherries from the fridge. J. eats from his desk as he has a busy day.

2:15 p.m. — Done with work for the day! I’m feeling tired and decide to take a nap. If the baby wants a nap, the baby gets a nap!

3:32 p.m. — I’m feeling so refreshed after my nap, and respond to some texts. One of my friends’ dogs gave birth, and the puppies are just adorable! She explained how she was her dog’s midwife and that dogs typically have home deliveries without a vet. I am very impressed by both her and her dog! I study and pass my pre-test; I sign up for my proctored exam tonight.

5:45 p.m. — I start prepping dinner. Most nights, I cook for us. Tonight, it is cold peanut noodles with a side of veggies. J. finishes his work, and we have dinner together, and we talk about our day. We take a walk around the neighborhood after. We see a French bulldog in a stroller living his best life and wave hello to its owners.

8:15 p.m. — I shower and do my bedtime routine. I rub lots of Bio-Oil onto my belly. After studying some more, I take my test.

10:35 p.m. — Woohoo, I pass! I find J. in the living room, and we both decide to call it a night and go to bed.

Daily Total: $0

Day Three: Monday

6:55 a.m. — The alarm wakes me up for my last day of work before maternity leave! I do my routine and start working. J. is in-person today and brings me some fruit for breakfast before he leaves. Fruit hits different during pregnancy, it really tastes so much better!

11:25 p.m. — I’m starving and ready for my dedicated lunch break. I spoil myself and make a carton of mac and cheese. It’s *chef’s kiss* and the baby kicks around happily after. He enjoyed it as much as I did.

3:20 p.m. — I log off for the day and set my away message for the next few months. The last day of work before maternity leave feels especially anticlimactic. I checked in with my boss last week and we had a meeting, but I thought she might contact me today. We have no outstanding projects, so I guess I just have to assume everything is fine.

4 p.m. — I have a set weekly FaceTime session with my long-distance bestie, S. We always have the best time when we are together (even virtually), and we giggle and yap about our week. My heart always feels fuller after our chats.

5:30 p.m. — J. comes home from work. He does some yard work and calls his parents, while I prep dinner. I make wontons and scallion pancakes today. We eat, chat about our day, and do our evening walk.

7:45 p.m. — I shower and do my nighttime routine. J. has to do some extra work tonight, so I turn on some Bob’s Burgers and I fall asleep while watching it.

11:30 p.m. — J. wakes me up and gets me to bed, where I fall asleep immediately.

Daily Total: $0

Day Four: Tuesday

7:45 a.m. — I wake up naturally before my alarm, and play on my phone a bit. J. wakes up shortly after. It’s my SIL and BIL’s anniversary, so we group text them congratulations. I get up and do my morning routine: wash with plain water, brush teeth, apply sunblock (currently using Beauty of Joseon’s skin tint), take a vitamin, and drink a lot of water in preparation for giving a urine sample at my doctor’s appointment.

8:30 a.m. — J. and I head off to the OB-GYN. J.’s job has been surprisingly flexible when it comes to our OB-GYN appointments, and he has been able to make most of them. We pay the copay. In this office, we aren’t assigned a specific provider, but instead rotate through all the delivering physicians prior to our delivery day. We meet one of the doctors we haven’t met previously, and she becomes my favorite so far. She is very knowledgeable and able to cite research to answer my questions about elective inductions. $67.63

10 a.m. — We get back home and J. starts working. We didn’t have time for breakfast before we left for the appointment, and I am starving. I make brunch for us with scrambled eggs and hash browns. Since I have time, I review the medical bill from the perinatologist. We had to have some extra ultrasounds, and while insurance paid for part of it, it’s still a hefty price tag. It is so expensive to have a baby in the US! I pay via online portal. $539.46

10:41 a.m. — I head off to do some grocery shopping and make returns. I talk to my dad on my drive, and he wants to come visit me and have lunch together this week. I return a sun hat that looked cuter online. At Trader Joe’s, I restock on some basic essentials and some specific ingredients for recipes I want to try this week. I plan on making some shrimp tacos with mango salsa tonight. The cashier compliments me on my choice of deli chips and mini apple pies, and I feel very affirmed. $98.93

12:51 p.m. — I unpack the groceries and boil some dumplings for J. and me for lunch. I try to do some more studying but end up taking an unplanned nap.

3:11 p.m. — I drive to my friend H.’s place to bring her some homemade egg bites and a baby swaddle I had purchased the week before. We actually met each other through Peanut, an app like Tinder for pregnant people looking to make friends. H. happened to be the only other woman in my city who was on the app and was expecting her first, and we luckily hit it off. I haven’t seen her since she had her baby (she had a complicated birth,) and it was good to see she and her baby were doing well. It was a short and sweet visit.

5:45 p.m. — Time to make dinner! It’s shrimp tacos tonight with coleslaw, tomatoes, and green beans as sides. J. joins me after he finishes work. For dessert, we eat some delicious chocolates from Fran’s Chocolate in Seattle that J.’s best friend gifted us. Mine was oolong and his was coffee. They are so good!

7:15 p.m. — We do our evening walk, and I immediately need to lie down and rest when we get back because my legs got so swollen! The only shoes that fit now are a pair of buckle sandals that I expanded to their maximum length. It’s just one of the fun things that happens during third trimester! J. goes to check out the yard and do some garden work.

8:30 p.m. — We try watching Sandman again, but J. falls asleep immediately. I turn it off and I doomscroll on Instagram and respond to texts.

10 p.m. — I wake J. up and we both head to bed. Recently, I’ve gotten into the romantasy genre and I got off the waitlist from Libby for A Court of Wings and Ruin. After a couple of pages, I find myself nodding off and decide to go to bed.

Daily Total: $706.02

Day Five: Wednesday

6:50 a.m. — J.’s alarm wakes me up and he gets ready for an in-person day. I lay in bed and play on my phone, and fall asleep again.

8:15 a.m. — Ok, time to get up. I do my morning bathroom routine, air-fry a mini apple pie for breakfast, and take my vitamins with mango kefir. I turn on a recorded lecture, but it becomes accidental nap time instead (clearly, there is a pattern here!).

10:15 a.m. — My mom comes over for a planned day together. She is semi-retired now, and I love that we can spend so much time with each other. She brings a home-cooked meal for J. and me to eat later tonight. We end up running some errands together, including going to a thrift store for me to drop off some clothes I wanted to sell, lunch at an Indian restaurant, and walking around a mall in a neighboring city together to see if their Pop Mart had any Labubus (sadly, they did not). I treat my mom for lunch and she treats me for ice cream after. $55.07

3:30 p.m. — Mom drops me off at home and I try to rewatch the lecture, but of course, I fall asleep instead. I’m supposed to go to a prenatal yoga class via ClassPass, but completely sleep through it.

5:25 p.m. — J. comes home and sees that our Cradlewise crib and Davinci glider have arrived at our door. We had purchased our crib months ago and were really excited to see how well it would work. The Cradlewise crib has a camera and uses an AI algorithm to predict when your baby needs to be soothed and will automatically start moving up and down to bounce the baby. It also connects to Spotify so you can play your personal playlists. J. builds it in our bedroom while I provide moral support and play the KPop Demon Hunters soundtrack through it. We decided that unboxing the glider can wait till another day.

7:20 p.m. — I bake the moussaka my mom made for us, and after we eat, we take our evening walk. After I shower and do my evening routine, we try to watch Sandman again, but end up both playing on our phones because we aren’t really feeling it. At least we finally finished an episode.

11 p.m. — Time for bed — good night!

Daily Total: $55.07

Day Six: Thursday

5 a.m. — I wake up with a stomach ache and the baby kicking like crazy. I feel a bit better after I wait it out and end up playing on my phone before falling asleep again.

9 a.m. — I crawl out of bed and do my morning routine, heat up a bun for breakfast, and take my vitamins with mango kefir. Pro tip: If you have a hard time swallowing large pills, taking them with a thicker drink, like a smoothie. It makes it so much easier to go down. I read a Money Diary by a woman in Seattle. I love the slice of life the diaries capture, and often learn about relevant tips or trends, and discover something new to try. After, I start a load of laundry and do some studying.

12:30 p.m. — My dad arrives and picks me up. We go for some Chinese food at a nearby restaurant and get some jook, cheung fun, and chow fun, which is fantastic. My dad treats. We head back to my place, and he shows me his new DJI Flip Drone camera in the yard. We both are really into gadgets and tech, and have fun experimenting with some of the automatic features. I’m nervous about it falling and crashing into pieces, but it somehow makes it in one piece, and we review some of the videos we make, which are of great quality.

3 p.m. — My dad leaves, and it’s back to studying for me. My bestie, M., who is planning to visit and stay the night, texts me that she won’t come until later this evening, instead of the afternoon, and I tell her it’s all good.

6 p.m. — My stomach still hasn’t been feeling great, and I don’t feel too hungry. I heat up some leftovers for J. and myself and have a light dinner. I ask J. if we can skip our evening walk today, and he heads to the yard to do some yard work while I try to watch more lectures.

8:30 p.m. — Oh, no! I get a group text update from my friend that they just received some devastating news about their pregnancy. I spend some time messaging and offering support. I can’t imagine how heartbroken they must be. My other friend in the group texts me in a separate message about getting a care package for them. I thank her for organizing, and venmo her. $50

9:15 p.m. — M. arrives. I haven’t seen her in person in a couple of weeks since she lives over an hour away. it used to be so much easier when I lived in San Francisco! We spend some time catching up and talking about our week.

10:30 p.m. — We decided to all head to bed, but between the baby kicking me and thinking about the sad pregnancy update from my friend, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep. I keep on waking up, but I finally end up actually sleeping around 1 a.m.

Daily Total: $50

Day Seven: Friday

7:10 a.m. — I wake up, but still feel pretty exhausted. I’m not able to go back to sleep though so end up scrolling on my phone.

8:10 a.m. — J. wakes up. I tell him how his son is misbehaving, and we both play on our phones in parallel. He doesn’t have to start work until later this morning.

9 a.m. — Eventually, we both get up and get ready for our day. J. slices all the Trader Joe’s everything bagels and air fries me one. I sign up for my state disability insurance claim for maternal leave: It’s surprisingly very easy. The most challenging part was getting through the authentication system five times. I emailed my OB-GYN to give them the receipt number so they can help me fill out the medical portion of the claim. In my inbox, I see a reminder that my Global Entry is expiring soon. I cross my fingers and hope that enough time has passed that my credit card will reimburse me. Filling out the Global Entry form takes longer than filling out my state disability insurance claim. $120 (Expensed)

12:15 p.m. — I take a break from my studying to make lunch for everyone. It’s an assortment of leftovers. M. and I eat together while she works, and I leave a plate for J. to eat at his desk.

1:30 p.m. — M. gets Summer Fridays and is off for the day. She drives us to the outdoor mall. She recently got engaged, so we went to Nordstrom to look at engagement party shoes. We also head to Anthropologie to look at engagement party dresses. I try to charm the sales assistant to see if they can squeeze us in for a wedding dress appointment, as the shop looks pretty empty, but she says they are booked. We also get some fancy smoothies- mine with pitaya and hers with açaí. I treat us. $23.90

5 p.m. — We leave the mall and head to TJ Maxx where I buy some hyaluronic acid serum for stretch mark prevention and a MagSafe charging bank for my phone. $24.01

5:45 p.m. — M. drives us back to my city, and we stop for an early dinner at my favorite local Mexican restaurant. The portions are huge, and they have the best agua fresca. I’m also obsessed with their freshly fried tortilla chips, which they generously refill, along with their salsa and bean dip. I order two tacos and a mango agua fresca for myself, and a birria tamale to share, and she orders herself some tacos and pays separately. $33.51

6:30 p.m. — Oh ho — I realize that I may have overdone it with the walking today because I am having a lot of trouble getting out of my seat and have to hobble to the car. Luckily, the car ride is short, and I am able to get myself into the house with assistance from J. and M. and lay down. This has happened another time during pregnancy after I overdid it at a concert, so I know to be patient and let my body rest. I’m not really in too much pain, fortunately, and end up chatting with M. until she decides it’s time to head back to her place. She’s moving in with her fiancé next week and will be pretty busy. I wonder if the next time I see her will be after the baby is born.

9 p.m. — After some gentle stretching, I feel well enough to go shower and do my nighttime routine. When I come back to check on J. in the living room, I find that he has fallen asleep, and I wake him up so that he can do his routine. I scroll on my phone on the sofa and end up falling asleep as well.

11 p.m. — J. wakes me up, and helps me get into bed and I fall asleep quickly.

Daily Total: $81.42

The Breakdown

Conclusion

“Other than the medical expenses, this was a fairly typical week for me. Because I was on maternity leave, I had more time to eat out and spend time with family and friends, but not too much more than my usual spend. Reviewing my Money Diary was an interesting exercise for me, and as someone who has dreaded the idea of looking at all our debt and assets together, it made me realize that although there was a lot of debt, J. and I spend less than I expected on a week-to-week basis, and it made me feel like we’re on the right track, financially. I also felt that my spending was used in what I feel are meaningful ways, primarily for meals where I connect with family and friends, and gifts where I showed them my appreciation. After taking into account our expenses, I cancelled my ClassPass membership and clothing subscription membership, both of which I felt I wasn’t using enough. I feel more comfortable being able to support our new baby financially, now that I understand how we spend.”

And A Little Update…

“We had our baby several weeks ago, and reading through this diary feels like going through memories from a lifetime ago! My schedule has been completely upended by my little one, in a challenging but in the best way as well! Parenthood is wild, but has been so worth it so far!”

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

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A Week In Queens On A $109,697 Salary

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A Week In Brooklyn On A $140,000 Joint Income

‘Keep enjoying the love bubble!,’ messaged one friend.

‘Enjoy this time post engagement, it’s so special to be in a little happy bubble,’ said another.

WhatsApps like this kept rolling in — and, while I deeply appreciated the abundance of love ebbing out of every message, each one gently tightened the subtle knot in my chest. I’d just got engaged; and while I was — and am! — thrilled to be getting married, I somehow felt like I was ‘doing the engagement’ all wrong.

I really couldn’t have been happier when my boyfriend went down on one knee a couple of weeks ago. We were on a staycation in England; the beach was empty and, despite the bad weather warning, miraculously rain-free. He picked the perfect moment and I’ve never experienced a bigger surge of joy than in those few seconds when I realized what he was doing.

We went to a pub, had some champagne and giddily FaceTimed our parents. I was walking on air; I kept looking at the ring on my finger and the words ‘married’, ‘wife’ and ‘wedding’ kept jolting through me, little paroxysms of happiness.

When we got back to our accommodations, though, I started feeling small, inexplicable twinges of anxiety. We were both exhausted and we had a celebratory dinner booked that night, so my fiancé had a nap while I ran a bath.

As I was running the water, the anxiety continued to build — and I couldn’t understand it. There was no part of me that didn’t want to be engaged to my partner; I love him more than anything and I can’t wait to be married. But the waves of uneasiness kept rolling over me; and, as I stared at the water flowing from the faucet into the bath, I suddenly felt incredibly young. It was a bizarre feeling — I was weirdly homesick for my parents’ house, low-key panicky, and overwhelmingly tired.

But I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. ‘Shouldn’t I be over the moon non-stop?’, I worried.

We had a wonderful evening that night and a lovely lunch with his parents the next day — but even though the anxiety had gone, the feeling of ‘doing it wrong’ continued. We had a five-hour drive back to London and I thought we should surely be talking about the engagement and the wedding all the way home. But we were exhausted from all the emotion, and we ended up listening to several episodes of Desert Island Discs. It was just what we needed — and I know that now — but at the time, I kept thinking: ‘Shouldn’t we be in full ‘engagement mode?’.

We got home that Sunday night and went straight to work on the Monday morning. I taught an 8 a.m. Pilates class and then did a 9-6 desk shift. We had dinner with my family that night, which was great — showing my ring to my mom was incredibly special — but I was hyper aware of the mountain of work I had to do the next day.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still doing it all ‘wrong’, and that we should be celebrating more. Messages from my friends were flooding in and I was grateful for them, but every time someone mentioned the word ‘bubble’, I’d think: ‘What bubble?’. I was still unbelievably happy, but I didn’t feel cocooned in some sort of post-engagement love nest. We were both just alternating between working and scrubbing grease stains off roasting pans.

I’m not sure where I got the idea that we had to mark our engagement with a week-long (at least) celebration. No one had said we should be spending the specific seven days following the proposal commemorating the happy event; I think I’d just seen so many friends spending the days immediately following their engagements luxuriating in their new realities and I latched on to the idea of the ‘post-engagement week’ as a set period of time that would never happen again. And I couldn’t stop worrying that, by spending the week glued to my laptop, this (totally imaginary) set period of time was slowly slipping out from under my feet.

On the Wednesday, my partner went out to celebrate with some friends while I was teaching a class at home. I was done by 8:00 p.m., and spent the rest of the evening sitting at home on my own. ‘This is not right,’ I thought. It wasn’t that I thought my partner should be at home with me — I’d encouraged him to go out with his friends — but I realized I should have organized something for myself, too.

When my fiancé got home, I tried to tell him how I was feeling — that I was worried we should be doing more to mark this one-of-a-kind week — but mixed in with all the feelings of ‘doing it wrong’ were feelings of guilt. I wasn’t sure I should even be telling him any of this. I emphasised how grateful I was to him for organizing such a perfect proposal; I knew he’d put many hours into arranging the weekend and I wouldn’t have wanted anything to have been any different. I tried to make clear that I was worried I personally was letting the post-engagement haze slip through my fingers; that it wasn’t anything he was doing wrong.

I still feel a general version of this guilt now, while I’m typing this. I went to wedding after wedding when I was single and hoped beyond hope that I’d have my own wedding one day; but at the time, that possibility seemed impossibly distant. If I’d read an article like this back then, I’d have felt resentful and frustrated at having to scroll through a negative stream of consciousness from someone who didn’t know how lucky she was.

But, in a way, it was precisely because I had wanted this for so long that I was determined to make the most of it.

My partner heard me out. He (correctly) said he thought I was focusing too much on doing the engagement in one specific way, when actually it’s different for everyone — but he was more than happy to build in more celebratory time.

The next night, we lit candles at home and started writing out an initial guest list in our new ‘wedding’ notebook. Already, this felt different from an average evening at home, which was all I’d really been craving anyway. I just wanted things to feel different from the norm. The night after, we went for dinner at our favorite restaurant and splurged on champagne; and we spent the rest of the weekend celebrating with friends.

Now, it’s obvious where those wobbly feelings on the night of our engagement came from. It was the first day of my period — when I’m usually curled up at home with a heating pad feeling like the world is ending — combined with waves of adrenaline from the proposal and the alcohol we’d had earlier. I don’t do well with any one of those things at the best of times, let alone when they’re all mixed in together. It wasn’t surprising that I felt wobbly. Now, I feel silly for having stressed so much.

Ultimately, I was thrilled to be engaged and that was all that mattered; we can celebrate any time we want. We didn’t need to spend the week immediately after the proposal soaked in champagne, beaming and holding hands non-stop and talking about nothing but wedding color schemes.

But equally, I’m glad I took stock, was honest with my partner and made a point of really, truly living in the moment. We may have had to construct the scaffolding for the ‘engagement bubble’ ourselves, building it around a busy work week — but I’m grateful that we did.

After all, that post-engagement week does only happen once.

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If I were to ask, ‘What do you know of yourself?’ How would you answer? After six years of therapy and countless iterations of being, I’ve come to know myself as kind, ambitious, unexpectedly funny, and compassionate. But in the same breath, I’d also admit that I’m afraid of abandonment, that I chase perfection because I believe it makes me more likable, and that I am, at my core, deeply sensitive to the world around me.

This is what I’ve come to learn about myself in the years I’ve committed to therapy. Facing the parts of me I once called pathetic, desperate, and unlovable was painful, but that awareness now feels like an honor. To know what aches within me means I can try to grow, or, when growth isn’t possible, simply accept that I am human.

Still, in committing to unlearning harmful patterns, cultivating emotional awareness, and taking responsibility for my healing, I’ve realized that the peace I’ve built within myself doesn’t automatically translate into my relationships with others. In fact, if I’m speaking frankly, my healing has often made these relationships harder to navigate, because my progress doesn’t mark the progress of others.

That mismatch is exhausting. UK-based therapist Olamide Ajala described the feeling clearly when we spoke over the phone. “It can be so tiring to be the one who’s doing the work in therapy and in relationships… it feels like the responsibility to resolve issues often lies with you,” she shared.

Her words echo my own experience. In conflict, I often find myself trying to decode the hurt beneath someone else’s words while setting aside my own feelings. And the more responsibility I take on, the less others seem required to do.

I had a dysfunctional upbringing, one that shaped complex—often toxic—relationships with many family members. In my relationship with my older sister, it’s clear that we both carry the same wound left by our mother’s abandonment. We move through the world feeling unsafe in intimacy—whether with family, friends, or partners. We wrestle with similar anxieties about our worth and how we’re perceived. And perhaps most tragically, we often feel alone, even when surrounded by people who have proven, again and again, that they love us.

Yet while I grew tired of living as someone defined by a past I didn’t design, my sister struggled to do the same. And in naming my trauma, I realized we lost the unspoken language that once allowed our relationship to work. At times, this loss has shown up in ways that feel painful but not personal. When my sister accuses me of being “selfish,” “defensive”, or reaches for whatever word suits her in response to my newfound boundaries, I try to remember that what she’s really naming is her own fear of being left behind. Still, it doesn’t make the words sting any less.

“By taking so much responsibility for the health of the relationship, the other party never has to do any work,” says Ajala when considering her own family. “There’s no problem from their perspective because I’m constantly solving it for them.”

I recognize this in my relationship with my sister. Though I’ve spent years in therapy, working toward healthier ways of relating to people I love, she has rejected the idea altogether, often leaning on me to unpack what she has not yet been able to name or confront.

The distance between us is, in many ways, a reflection of the same absence we both grew up with: our mother’s abandonment. Naming what ails you is not the same as overcoming it. Where my sister has married and become a mother herself—a bridge that has drawn her back toward our own mother—I remain unmarried, childless, and still learning what it means to live with a mother who has been absent for most of my life.

Part of what I’ve had to face in therapy is the loneliness of growth. Ajala describes it as “cocooning” —  retreating into solitude to recover and disentangle her own feelings from the feelings of others. She also notes how therapy can be as transformative as life milestones like marriage or parenthood, shifting your worldview in ways those closest to you may not understand. “Going through something so transformative that other people in your life can’t relate to can bring about loneliness,” she comments, and I’ve felt that acutely.

At times, I’ve cocooned too, choosing stillness and solitude over the noise of others. And I’ve seen how growth creates distance—some relationships adapt, others dissolve. I’ve lost connections that couldn’t stretch to hold the person I was becoming. My relationship with my mother, for instance, has reached an impasse: I am no longer the wounded child who longed for her, but a woman who needs a different kind of connection altogether. Like Ajala, I’ve felt the sting of being seen only as the old version of myself, while the new one remains invisible or dismissed.

In coming into awareness of myself, I’ve also gained an unshakable awareness of others. During the months I dated the last man I cared for—and even as we stayed in touch after he moved away — I came to know him well. More importantly, I became aware of how his ways of relating to me shaped how I saw myself.

The last time we were intimate, he confessed that he’d never truly liked a woman, but had chosen partners out of expectation. In that moment, I saw not only him, but everything he had revealed about his upbringing: the conflict avoidance, the stoicism, the emotional repression. And I realized that years of therapy had brought me to a place where I no longer wanted to be chosen simply to soothe my fear of abandonment. I wanted to be loved because I could be loved. What he was describing, though it hurt to hear and though I grieved the cage of his limitations, wasn’t enough for me anymore. Once, it might have been.

Ajala reminds me that therapy has limits; it can only ever work with one person’s perspective, and it cannot resolve the full complexity of a relationship. Healing doesn’t erase the silence of a family, or the repression in a man I once cared for. But it has given me the clarity to choose how I respond, and the courage to walk away from what no longer nourishes me.

If you were to ask me again what I know of myself, I’d say this: I am no longer content to be chosen out of fear. I want to be loved, because I can be loved. And that, for now, is enough.

This article was originally published to Unbothered UK

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